Yes! This Whittles Away At Your Confidence

Would you like to have more confidence?

I’ve relied on all sorts of things to increase my confidence including my wardrobe, experience, credentials, connections, and having a bold attitude for starters. While there’s nothing wrong with any of these, they are not the source of confidence.

During my freshman year in college, I elected to take a law class despite it being an upper level class. At the time, the subject was interesting, it fit my schedule, and, having done well in high school, I didn’t even think twice about the difficulty of the course. However, after the first class, I realized I was in over my head.

I studied like crazy to keep up. For the most part, all was well until the day of my presentation. That day I walked to the front of the class, faced my fellow students and began to speak.

About five minutes into my presentation, sweat broke out on my forehead and my pits began to drip. My heart was racing. This was not exactly the way I envisioned my presentation going! I completely lost my train of thought I blanked! I had no idea what I had said, where I was in the presentation, or what to do to salvage the moment.

Oh how humiliating it was to be standing before a class of older, wiser students, red in the face and lost!

Needless to say, my confidence was shaken!

For years after that moment, I avoided public speaking. I doubted myself and my abilities. I never wanted to embarrass myself like that again!

Wavering Confidence Is Normal

It’s a common experience to feel unsure when facing certain tasks or situations in our lives – areas where a little more confidence would be a tremendous help.

It would be nice if having confidence was as simple as donning a cape like! But there are some sweet take-a-ways to be learned from the superhero!

Like Superman

My knowledge around superheroes is limited, so you might already know the background around superman and his cape.  As a baby, Superman was told two things about the red baby blanket that he was wrapped in:

1) It had the power to shield him from kryptonite.

2) Even better, there was nothing on earth that was more powerful – nothing could damage his blanket.

In essence, Superman’s blanket-turned-cape, was powerful protection! When needed, Superman donned his cape, stepped into action, and protected him and others. It was his shield. With his cape, he was utterly invincible. Now, that’s a huge confidence booster, wouldn’t you say???

Superman’s cape wasn’t just powerful; he believed he was the man of steel when wearing his cape.

OK, that’s fiction. In real life, it’s not as easy as donning a cape, although that would have been nice if that had been possible on that day I stood blankly before the class.

It is possible, however, to operate more confidently – although it’s not about what you wear, but your awareness. And just like Superman, your awareness around your beliefs is key!

Becoming More Aware

It all begins when you are super clear about…

Your Fears

Do you know what your fears are? We don’t like to admit that we are afraid of anything, but you and I do have fears! And fear trips you up even when you aren’t aware of it.

With greater awareness around your fears, including your Fear Monster, then you are more aware of the tactics the enemy will use to keep you from walking in all that God has for you.

YOU!

Do you have a clear sense of who you are? An understanding of your personality, values, strengths, weaknesses, fears (including your Fear Monster), and identity in Christ? When you do, you are naturally more confident.

The Who

Do you know who the source of confidence is? It’s not what the world claims! The world operates under the assumption that it’s material things, money, fame, etc. that are the source of confidence, but nothing could be further from the truth!

The real source of confidence is God. He is love and all powerful – yes, even more powerful than red capes! He is eternal – a forever God. You are loved deeply and extravagantly by Him. The God of the universe loves YOU! That’s a powerful confidence booster!

The What

Do you know what to focus on? When you focus on yourself, you will see the many bits that don’t measure up, aren’t enough, and aren’t significant. Instead focus on Truth. Allow His everlasting love to saturate your life deeply and remember that God is your shield…

The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. The LORD gives his people strength. Psalm 28:7-81 (NLT)

That God-confidence is superior to your useless self-confidence. I like how in the Message version I Corinthians 10:12 says:

Don’t be so naive and self-confident. You’re not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence.

I’ll share just one more:

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13 (NLT)

Scripture is loaded with truth! That’s why we need to be in the Word daily – to be reminded of truth.

It’s Funny, Now!

God has a sense of humor. The opportunity to teach a workshop or speak now brings me joy! Rather than trying to impress, my focus is helping others do what they do in life-giving ways which frees me to be myself; imperfect and loved!

However, I know that if I’m not careful, there are behaviors that I might engage in that whittle away at my confidence. Here are just a few:

1. Comparing

When I compare myself to others, I’m using the wrong gauge. I’m a one-of-a-kind masterpiece created by God! Rather than compare myself, it’s better to ask myself, “Am I walking fully in who God created me to be? Am I following Him and being obedient?”

2. Blaming

Blaming others is a subtle way of putting others down in an attempt to pull myself up so that I feel more confident. When I accept responsibility for my life, choices, and actions, it’s empowering. That proactive step allows me to grow, change, and face challenges that build my confidence.

3. Ignoring My Limits

Yes! Ignoring my limits or pretending my capacity is more than it actually is diminishes my confidence. Why? Because eventually I won’t be able to keep up – I will exceed my capacity and fail, burn out, or disappoint others. It’s hard to have confidence in that place!

4. Fear

Fear entices me to do life backwards and get my needs met or feel important in ways that are sure to boomerang back and drain my confidence. It sways me to look at life through a lens that confirms my worst nightmare: that I don’t matter. Maybe for you it’s that you are incompetent, not enough, or that you are weak. That’s your Fear Monster at work!

We all have a Fear Monster. Will you allow it to guide you and zap your confidence or will you allow God’s incredible love to saturate your life and heal your broken parts? When He shines through you, that’s beautiful because then He is your confidence.

5. Complaining

When I’m complaining I’m focused on the wrong thing – the negative! It takes my focus off the person I want to be and causes me to dwell on the lack or the perceived lack I’m feeling. It pushes the people around me away and attracts more negativity. And it’s a tip off that fear is at work in my life which naturally lessons my confidence!

6. Focusing on Me

When I’m focused on others, there’s no need to worry about what they are thinking about me. I’m more vulnerable and it creates a safe space for others to be vulnerable too. Confident people are genuinely interested in others, and not afraid to be transparent.

Insecure people, on the other hand, tend to talk about themselves, rarely inquiring about others (self-focused). Or they tend to hyper focus on others so that they don’t have to reveal themselves (self-avoidant). Both take a toll on your confidence!

7. Bad Company

I must be wise about who I chose to spend my time with because negativity is not only contagious, it also deteriorates your confidence.

The flip side is also true – positive people are also contagious! Their positivity and encouragement are invigorating and grow my confidence.

8. Unrealistic Expectations

Unrealistic expectations set me up for failure and disappointment. It doesn’t take very many of those experiences to undermine my confidence!

Perfectionism – that’s one of those unrealistic expectations. I can’t be perfect – it’s impossible and trying to be perfect destroys my confidence.

9. Negative Self-Talk

My inner dialogue is powerful! It’s hard to feel confident when the chatter in my head is negative!

10. People Pleasing

Trying to make others happy means distancing myself from my needs, preferences, and desires in order to prioritize what others want. Soon I’m less connected to me! Keep it up for very long and I come to rely on the validation of others which is unreliable and it ultimately erodes my self-worth. Guess what else goes with it – my confidence!

When I think back to my presentation there were several of the above behaviors at work including comparing myself to the older students, not just ignoring my limits, but not knowing what my limits were, and focusing on me! Behaviors that wreaked havoc with my confidence!

What behaviors are you engaging in that are whittling away at your confidence?

Originally posted on 3/12/19, this post has been updated and revised just for you!