What Are Your Reflexes Revealing About You?

Your reflexes are an automatic and involuntary response to external stimulus.

Checking Your Body’s Reflexes

You have donned the backless gown and now you are sitting there with your legs dangling over the side of the examination table, feeling very vulnerable. The doctor pokes, prods, and then takes out the reflex hammer and whacks you a good one on your knee. Seconds later it is over and the doctor has moved on to the next part of the examination.

Ever wonder what in the world the knee whacking is all about?

You know the doctor is testing your reflexes, but why?

I’m no MD, but in simple terms the doctor is examining your nerve responses to determine if your nerves are functioning normally and how healthy your connective tissue is.

No reflex or “knee-jerk response” indicates nerve damage that needs to be addressed. An over-reaction is revealed by repeated contractions or “knee-jerks responses” which indicates cerebellar (the part of the brain that controls coordination and balance) disease.

Ideally, a single “knee-jerk response” is what both you and the doctor want.

That whack to the knee sends an impulse to your nerves that bypasses your brain. The knee-jerk response is unconscious.

Getting “Whacked” In Life

Every day, you are “whacked” by situations and interactions with people. Sometimes you are numb and there is no observable reaction. Other times the jerking continues for minutes, hours, days, months, and sometimes years after the “whack!” Both of these responses indicate that something is seriously off.

A healthy reaction to the “whacks” of life would be to identify the feelings (awareness), pause, process, and then make a conscious choice about how to respond. While the reflexes in your knee bypass your brain, all too often your life reflexes do too.

Sadly, unresolved emotional issues, stress, fear, or hurt contribute to you being in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode when confronting stressful situations. Those impulses tend to work against you!

Fight – like putting your foot on the gas.**

Body Sensations: Tight jaw, clenched teeth, the urge to punch something, a knot in the pit of your stomach, the desire to attack.

Behaviors: Lashing out, yelling, being harsh, critical, blaming, or getting defensive.

Flight – also like putting your foot on the gas.**

Body Sensations: Fidgety, restless, numbness in your arms and legs, and dilated, darting eyes.

Behaviors: Avoiding conflict or dealing with the situation altogether, shutting down, escaping.

Freeze – like putting your foot on the brake.**

Body Sensations: Pounding heart or decreased heart rate, feeling stiff, cold or numb, pale skin, and experiencing a sense of dread.

          Behaviors: Dissociating, mentally checking out, wearing a mask, or isolating.

Fawn – like putting one foot on the gas and one on the brake simultaneously.**

Body Sensations: Feeling disconnected from your body and emotions, shallow breathing, nauseous feeling in your stomach, muscle tension, or being unaware of the level of chaos you are experiencing.

Behaviors: People pleasing, overdependence on others, lack of boundaries, appeasing, avoiding conflict, disconnected from your own feelings, needs, and desires, Saying “yes” when you really want to say “no.”

**(Janae Elisabeth’s fight or flight interpretation)

Whether you react or respond to the “whacks” in life comes down to your level of awareness, habits, and intention. Responding requires skill, yet makes even negative situations better! Reacting, on the other hand, causes negative situations to become worse!

Consider This Scenario:

You assign a task to Bob carefully spelling out the expectations and he drops the ball. Not only does the task not get done, but the undone task affects the team creating a heap of frustration. Do you sit Bob down and get after him in a way he will never forget? Or do you take notice of your anger and disappointment, breathe, pause, and choose to be curious about what prevented Bob from completing the task?

Reacting in anger and venting on Bob doesn’t solve the problem, it makes the situation worse. The task remains undone and the odds are that you are worked up, Bob is upset, and the relationship is damaged.

However, if you were to you slow down and choose to respond with compassion and curiosity it opens the door to understanding, it creates space to find a solution and allows both you and Bob to learn and grow. Most importantly, the relationship has a chance of remaining intact.

Often there’s more to the story than you realize. Perhaps Bob just lost his mother or is battling a health issue. Maybe your request was outside his strengths or there was some other critical work undertaking that was equally important that kept him from your task.

Reacting is about operating out of:

• Fear (Your Fear Monster at work!)
• Insecurities
• Anger
• Hurt
• Sadness
• Judgment
• A need to protect yourself
• Unprocessed emotions
• A lack of self-care
• Overwhelm
• Catastrophic or negative thinking
• Lack of self-awareness

Responding is about operating out of:

• Values
• Logic
• Choices
• Courage
• Love/compassion
• Curiosity
• Hope
• Confidence
• Awareness
• Possibility thinking
• Wholeness

There’s a difference of about 10 seconds between reacting and responding in the moment. Improving your reflex to respond means that you have to:

1. Slow Down

When driving, the faster you go, the longer it takes to come to a stop. Double your speed and your braking time is four times longer. Triple your speed and it takes nine times longer!

The same is true in life! When you are speeding through life, your ability to slow down enough to respond in the moment is severely limited.

2. Know Your Limits

Being over-extended is the perfect set up for reacting. Yet with margin in your life, there’s naturally more space to reflect, process, and to be in a place to respond.

3. Observe

Each day, you face people and situations, but how often do you take the time to tune into how you feel about what you’ve experienced?

Ignoring your feelings is like under-reacting to the reflex hammer. On the flip side, allowing your feelings to run the show – that’s not healthy either!

Instead, give yourself space and permission to observe your feelings in a non-judgmental way. Recognize what they are attempting to communicate with you – your needs, desires, what you value, and hold dear. Then be honest about the meaning you are taking away from your feelings – the story you are telling yourself, and evaluating if your conclusions are true.

The more you practice identifying your feelings and determining whether or not they are true, the easier it is to do that in the moment when you are “whacked.”

4. Pause & Breathe

When encountering something unexpected, count slowly to 10. Breathe deeply. You don’t have to respond immediately no matter how hurried or rushed you might feel. Remember who God created YOU to BE.

5. Take A Moment To Ground Yourself

There are dozens of ways to ground yourself in the moment. Here are three simple options:

• • • Notice how your body feels from head to toe – wiggle your toes. Are your knees locked or bent? How does your stomach feel? Is your heart rate slow or fast? Feel the weight of your shirt or blouse on your shoulders. Feel your hair touching your neck or forehead.
    • Tune into all the sounds around you. What do you hear? Birds? Engines? Water running?
    • Pick up an object and examine it closely. Is it heavy or light? What color is it – a specific color beyond the typical primary colors? What’s the texture? Is it warm or cool?

6. Pray

Responding isn’t easy! You need help. Ask God to help you respond in a kind and compassionate way even if the other person is angry. Ask Him to show you new ways to respond. Remember, when you are weak – that’s when He’s strong. Ask Him for strength!

I can do all things through Christ, because He gives me strength. Philippians 4:13 (NCV)

7. Be Curious

Just like there are two sides to every story, there are two sides to every “whack.” What is this person or situation triggering in you? When have you felt this way in the past? What unmet need, fear, or sadness is it tapping into?

Consider what might be motivating the other person’s behavior. Your conclusion, no matter how logical it seems to you, may not be right. What unmet need, fear, or sadness might be at work in the other person?

We are all a little broken! How might you have grace for them?

8. Choose

Finally, make a conscious choice about how you will choose to respond to the whack.

If reacting has been your pattern for a long while, be patient with yourself. It takes time to practice and develop a new pattern of responding. Learning a new way to handle challenging moments feels uncomfortable, but responding takes you out of the victim role and allows you to exercise self-control.

Remember, God is eager to help you respond!

Your doctor scores your reflexes on a scale of 0-4.

0 = no reflexes at all – under-reaction.

2 = a healthy reflex score (Oh, that happy middle again!)

4 = repeated contractions and you are over-reacting.

When it comes to the “whacks” of life, what’s your reflex score?

© Canstock

– One of my most popular posts originally posted 6/16/15 and it’s been updated just for you! Enjoy!