Are You Doing Life Backwards?

Imagine going backwards everywhere you went – walking backwards; driving backwards. It would be a challenge!

At first it might feel quite awkward, but over time and with enough practice you might eventually excel at navigating backwards all the time. It might even feel natural.

And yet you were not designed to do life that way. That’s why your eyes face forward, your arms and legs bend the way that they do, and your feet are positioned the way they are.

Have you ever been to a backwards party before? It’s a real thing I promise – Google it or explore the many ideas on Pinterest! As the name suggests, everything imaginable is done backwards for this type of party regardless of what you are celebrating, including the wording on the invitations which might look like this:

etarbelec ot emoc esaelP.

Of course there are a myriad of other ways to get creative with a backwards party that would be a ton of fun!

A party is one thing, but attempting to do life in a backwards way everyday would be ridiculous, right? You might be doing that without even realizing it!

What do I mean when I say doing life in a “backwards way?” I’m talking about attempting to get your needs and desires met in unproductive or unhealthy ways; needs and desires like these:

The temptation is to attempt to get what you need and/or want by engaging in the “Ps” which include…

→ Protecting

In an attempt to enjoy safety, you keep others at a distance or you might work overtime trying to preserve your reputation. The underlying belief is that if people really knew you they would not like you, think less of you, lack respect for you …

→ Producing

Trying to gain significance, approval, or applause by what you do. It’s easy to let doing or striving take over whether you are a mom or a CEO.

→ Perfection

Trying to be perfect – an impossible goal and because it’s impossible, it often leads to procrastination. Attempting to be the best at everything is a very close cousin!

→ Performing

Being “on” all the time, attempting to wow everyone with your skills, talents, or abilities.

→ Pleasing

You spin your wheels trying to make everyone happy, often at your own expense. Sadly it rarely accomplishes what you want it to because people gravitate towards authentic people.

→ Promoting

Making sure everyone knows how wonderful you are.

→ Putting Others Down

You might not even realize you’re doing this; perhaps you aren’t even verbalizing your thoughts, but maybe you are thinking them.

→ Putting Yourself Last

Pouring into the lives of others but not investing in yourself in life-giving ways because you believe 1) that self-care is selfish and 2) that you won’t be loved if you don’t. In other words, you must sacrifice yourself to be loved, appreciated, valued, etc.

→ Preoccupied With Yourself

Trying to do everything in your power to feel better about yourself – eat right, get enough sleep, exercise, taking time to connect with others, etc. in an attempt to be lovable, valuable, to matter, to be admired, etc. in the eyes of others.

It’s all about the motivation behind your actions. I am all about self-care – it’s just that self-care is not the starting point. Attempting to pursue the “P’s” is not the starting point. That’s doing life backwards.

Pursuing the “Ps” is draining. It takes an abundance of energy! It leads to fear, frustration, and feelings of rejection.

Getting Practical

What does it look like to start living in a forward way?

1. Connect With The Source

The only way to truly fill yourself up is to focus on your Father and His extravagant love for YOU; linger in His presence and delight in His unconditional love. Allow His love to saturate your life in a transformative way.

This isn’t a Christmas or Easter activity. This isn’t even a Sunday Activity. It’s an every single day pursuit. And because it’s a relationship, what that looks like for you might look different than it does for me. It might even look different depending on your season of life.

Instead of doing life backwards, spend time in His presence daily because you quickly forget how deeply you are loved. Carve out dedicated space in your life to dwell on who He is and who you are in Him. Be intentional about remembering His ways, how He has been at work in your life, and how He will faithfully be there in the future.

And continue to connect with Him throughout your day!

It’s living from Him, not for Him, or for anyone else for that matter!

2. Following God’s Lead

So often you and I are begging God to help us, to get on board with what we are doing, but God yearns for you to slow down and follow Him. Truly follow Him. Jesus sought the Father at every step! He didn’t race ahead or lag behind.

Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.
Galatians 5:25 (NLT) (emphasis mine)

3. Filling Up

Your life wasn’t meant to be exhausting. There may be brief seasons of extra effort, but it is not to be your lifestyle. In fact, Jesus tells us that our life is to be a happy rhythm of work AND rest.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT)

What would your life look like if you took time to rest? What activities are restful for you? Energizing? What if you had boundaries around doing and REALLY trusted Him?

The truth is the striving is not making you better. It’s not allowing you to manifest the desires you so badly want met. The only way to get those desires met is to do life the way you were intended to: forwards and following Him!

4. Then, Pouring Out

How much more effective you would you be if you showed up in your life and work filled up, energized, and rested? I’m guessing it would make a powerful difference in your work, relationships, confidence, and how you feel about life. And it would allow you to pour out without feeling drained or resentful!

That’s the expansive LIFE you were meant to live!

Beware…

If you fill up, but never pour out it, the effect is just not the same.

If you pour out, and keep pouring out, but don’t fill up and allow His love to saturate your life, the effect is not the same.

However, when you know how deeply you are loved, and do life from that place, and then you have something wonderful to give to others! That’s when you are able to truly make a difference!

Resting in His love is invigorating! Over time, you will resort less and less to practicing the “Ps”. Even better, getting your needs met is actually the fruit of doing life in a forward way.

In that place you begin to experience LIFE, the abundant LIFE, that God intended you to have – the peace, safety, love, energy, contentment, and so much more!

You will still encounter the unexpected, but how you face those surprises will be very different.

This doesn’t mean life will be easy, however, your perspective will be very different. Whatever comes your way you won’t have to worry or be afraid because you are loved, safe, and protected by Jesus!

You are able to be more vulnerable in your relationships – no protecting, performing, or needing to be perfect, just you being authentically you. By the way, vulnerability is contagious and those around you are freer to engage in more authentic ways too, which leads to deeper more satisfying connections.

From that loved place, risks feel less risky. You are better able to see the opportunities in the obstacles.

A backwards party – that’s sounds like a whole lot of fun. A backwards every day – no thank you!

What would it look like if you stopped doing life backwards?

How is it limiting you personally and/or professionally?

Originally posted on 1/29/2019, this post has been updated and revised just for you!