Say Yes To The Happy Middle

The “happy middle.” What thoughts does that conjure up for you? Would you describe yourself as someone who operates in that place?

Just for fun, I did a quick internet search and I was surprised to learn that there are at least 38 songs about “meeting in the middle.” Don’t believe me? You can check it out for yourself here.

Meeting in the middle is just another way of saying “meet me halfway” or “let’s compromise.” In your mind, is compromising positive because it means everyone wins something? Or on the flip side, does the idea of compromising feel more negative because you know you will most likely have to give something up?

Without a compromise, two opposing people, ideas, or ways of doing something are doomed to fail. With that said, compromise sounds rather sweet, right?

Extremes

The gap seems to be growing larger rather than shrinking when it comes to political views, economic status, and thoughts about religion. And I’m sure with a little effort you can come up with a few more examples of extremes.

While you may be reluctant to compromise in certain areas like your values, beliefs (unless they are funky), or standards, finding your way to the happy middle is all about compromise. For our purposes today, our focus is on the second option that Merriam Webster offers for the verb form of the word compromise…

Compromise: to find or follow a way between extremes.

Real Life Example #1

There are numerous extremes that you and I operate in that do us no good! An example that you might easily relate to: your diet. When it comes to eating, are you prone to denying yourself certain foods or indulging in ridiculously small portions? Or, at the other end of the spectrum, are you binging, eating emotionally, or over partaking in harmful options?

If you are eating healthy foods and portions – that’s the happy middle.

Real Life Example #2

Maybe you are one who has the healthy eating thing down, but ignores exercising altogether or engages in excessive exercise. The happy middle is the place of optimum balance. Working out a healthy amount that is beneficial rather than harmful and leads to maximum results!

Real Life Example #3

For many leaders and professionals, working 24/7 seems normal, but it is an extreme! Perpetually working undermines your effectiveness and keeps you from participating in other life-giving activities that would enhance your work, not to mention every other area of your life! It requires daily effort, but living a more balanced life in the happy middle ultimately leads to superior results!

Here’s one more extreme I frequently see. Rather than living in the “happy middle” and being present, brimming with peace, joy, and confidence, I see people bogged down by guilt and shame – living in the past. Or at the other end of the spectrum, overwhelmed by anxiety and stress – living in the future.

Extreme Behaviors

You might be participating in extreme behaviors like this…

• Dominating or being invisible in meetings.
• Being so driven you barrel over everyone or so distracted you engage with everyone.
• Taking extra-long lunches or skipping lunch altogether.
• Being perpetually busy or, more accurately, in motion, but not getting the most important things done.
• Perpetually scrolling FB or Instagram or going on a FB fast.
• Being guarded and very cautious or having no regard or discretion at all in your relationships
• Being stingy with time, money, and resources. On the flip side, being careless or overly generous with your time, money, and resources.
• Anger shows up in extremes too! At one extreme the silent treatment and at the other extreme, exploding.
• Even good activities in extreme are negative – activities like reading. If you never read you are doing yourself a disservice. If you read all the time, you might be escaping and that’s not great either.
• Being an under-doer, idle or apathetic versus overdoing or striving! Neither one set you up for success!

Remaining in the “happy middle” is no easy task. It requires self-control, discipline, and it offers rewards well worth the effort! What does it take to creep back to the happy middle?

1. Awareness

The very first step to moving back to the happy middle is realizing that you are engaging in extreme behavior.

Sometimes your language clues you in to the fact that you are operating in extremes. Words like…always, never, perfect, impossible, totally, entire, all, everyone, awful, horrible, terrible, ruined, disastrous, furious, livid, nightmare, everything – can you think of anymore?

Once you realize that there are extremes in the mix, then examine the beliefs that are perpetuating the behavior that is holding you hostage in extreme-land. Let’s take the workaholic for example.

The Lie: I must work long, hard hours to be successful.

2. Identifying the Fear

Let’s stick with the workaholic example. What role is your Fear Monster playing? Of course, its goal is to fooling you – convince you that you are not enough; therefore, you MUST work long and hard to be enough.

Maybe your Fear Monster is “you don’t matter,” and it is telling you that being significant depends on working long, hard hours, striving, and doing more!

If your Fear Monster “I am incompetent,” then it might keep you frantically working to prove that you are capable.

Everyone’s Fear Monster is different. What is your Fear Monster repeatedly whispering to you that gets you drifting into extremes?

3. Admitting

It’s hard to admit that you are participating in extreme behavior; it’s even harder to admit that you can’t fix it on your own.

Any time you operate in extremes, you’ve lost sight of how loved you are by God. He doesn’t just put up with us. His love is indescribable, immense, and unconditional. He loves us the way you’ve always wanted to be loved: deeply and sacrificially!

He created you to BE something amazing – something that reflects Him. And when you know you are loved, deeply loved, you are free to BE. No striving or giving up, just BEing. No perpetually being a couch potato or working like a mad man (or woman!).

Doing life from that loved place is very freeing! It’s a happy place – the happy middle!

4. Reflecting

Love isn’t something to be hoarded. It’s something to be given away. You have your own unique way of expressing His love to the world and those around you. It’s what keeps you firmly in the middle! Steady, productive, and confident and enjoying peace, joy, safety. Have you noticed that when you drift from the middle these desirable qualities disappear too?

Who has God created you to BE? That too is different for everyone, but it will be an aspect of His character. Has He created you to be…loving, courageous, compassionate, authentic, focused, generous, creative, beautiful, trusting, dependable, or…

When you live FROM Him, rather than FOR Him, it changes everything. His love fills you and enables you to BE who He created you to BE and to stay in the “happy middle.” In that place, those “extreme” behaviors fade!

5. Connecting

The drift is real! Without regularly connecting with Him and His love, you will drift right back to those extreme ways of doing life. That’s not beneficial for you, your work, or those around you!

6. Self-Control

As you walk more fully in who God created you to BE, and depend on God more, and find your value and identity in Him, it becomes easier to operate with the strength and discipline needed to settle into the “happy middle” and enjoy the fruit that comes when you are doing life and work from that place.

Moderation is better than muscle, self-control better than political power.
Proverbs 16:22 (MSG)

Isn’t it time you settled into your happy place? Let go of the need for short term gratification because you know the joy and long-term pleasures of the “happy middle!”

How are “extreme” behaviors impacting you personally and professionally?

Originally posted on 1/15/19, this post has been update and revised just for you!