You Will Find What You Focus On

What are you focused on? Not what you want your attention to be on, but rather whatever it is that your mind inadvertently keeps drifting back to.

Perhaps you are so focused on what you don’t want or what you fear that you are blind to what’s possible.

Yikes! A Snake!

When I think of something having my focus, I am reminded of an encounter I had with a snake some years back. The first time our paths crossed it was boldly soaking up the sun sprawled out in the street in front of our house, Thankfully I was safely protected behind the wheel of my car.

A few days later, my husband had a surprise meet up with the creature in our garage while cleaning. I prefer to assume it was the same snake because the thought of two or more snakes in the vicinity was too dreadful a thought!

A month later I was still on high alert! Each time I entered the garage, I couldn’t help but scan for snakes.

While I wouldn’t say I have Ophidiophobia (the fear of snakes), I am far from in love with the slithery creatures!

Now that some time has gone by, you would think that the scanning had ceased, but it hasn’t! Not too long ago while doing yard work I encountered the same snake! Again, I assume it was the same snake because not only was it a much bigger version of the one spotted previously, but you already know how I feel the thought of multiple snakes being nearby.

Snake sightings seem to come in pairs or triplets because just a few days later I nearly stepped on a snake while watering. It took me by such surprise that I never had a chance to assess the size so, of course, it was the same snake!

Let’s just say I continue to have my eyes wide open in search of snakes!

Yay! A Snake!

I had a friend in high school that had several large snakes that she adored. Much to my dismay, her snakes frequently tagged along with her. In fact, she even took them to church! Her happy fascination somehow never rubbed off on me!

According to a YouGov Poll, snakes top the list as the #1 fear for Americans! Unless you live in some other part of the world, I’m guessing that you would be on the lookout for snakes too if you thought one was in the area!

Here’s What’s Funny

Snakes, the very thing I don’t want to see, I see just about everywhere I look!  The electrical cord, the tail of the toy lizard that my grandsons enjoys playing with in the pool, and even shadows all look like snakes to me!

I eagerly want to avoid snakes – they don’t bring me joy! Being on high alert is a tad bit stressful! I confess I don’t just scan the garage. I keep a watchful eye inside and outside my house just in case. Snakes are the kind of surprise I don’t relish! As a result, I’m a tad distracted and perpetually searching for snakes.

Snakes are not the only scary creature you are trying to avoid! You’re probably scanning in a similar way for evidence of your Fear Monster too.

As much as you want to avoid your Fear Monster, you interpret situations, conversations, the lack of conversation, and anything else that might be misconstrued as evidence that the lie your Fear Monster is feeding you is truth.

Just like I’m still searching for that darn snake, you’re searching for evidence that your Fear Monster is right despite how much it pains you to think so. Sadly, deep down, there’s a part of you that thinks he might be right.

What’s a Fear Monster?

My Fear Monster is “I don’t matter,” so it’s practically second nature for me to gather evidence to confirm that undesirable fact. I don’t want it to be true, but I’m afraid it is.

Your Fear Monster might take on a slightly different shape such as…

Your Fear Monster’s goal: you feeling unloved, undesirable, and rejected. Those are NOT happy feelings!

When your Fear Monster is in charge, he keeps you on high alert in all aspects of your life: work, relationships, finances, etc. And what you are on the hunt for, you are sure to find.

Is Your Fear Monster Calling the Shots?

Allowing your Fear Monster to call the shots – that’s never a good idea! When your Fear Monster is in charge, possibilities vanish, hope dwindles, fear looms large, and you feel stuck. Even more unfortunate, you aren’t able to operate in your gifts or purpose because your Fear Monster precludes you from walking boldly in who God’s created you to be.

That pesky Fear Monster keeps you under his thumb by…

• Wearing you out trying to chase success, perfection, mattering, and more!
• Keeping you from investing in and taking care of yourself in the way that you need to.
• Allowing others to cross your boundaries.
• Saying “yes” when you want to say “no.”
• Avoiding conflict and/or giving feedback, which ultimately backfires on you.
• Having expectations that aren’t verbalized and/or making assumptions.
• Becoming resentful because you put everyone else first in an unhealthy ways and ignore your own needs.
• Being passive aggressive.
• Focusing on the negative.
• Being a victim.
• Running from one thing to the next – always frantically busy.
• Worrying and being anxious.
• Ignoring your passions, strengths, talents, and all that makes you uniquely awesome!
• Fooling you into thinking you don’t have any fears.
• Being too sensitive.
• Creating conflict.

Of course, this list is far from exhaustive! There are dozens and dozens of other ways your Fear Monster is preventing you from being your best self.

When your Fear Monster’s at work, it triggers fear in those around you. In other words, your Fear Monster triggers other Fear Monsters. And when Fear Monsters get going, it creates an endless loop that is far worse than any snake encounter! That loop takes place in your personal relationships, especially with your spouse. It may also show up with the people you work with closely including your team. Or with anyone else that’s important to you.

Ignoring your Fear Monster or to attempting to prove that you matter, are competent, or that you are enough only makes matter worse! To quiet your Fear Monster, you must focus on something completely different! After all, what you focus on grows, right?

What Do You Focus On?

What’s the antidote to your Fear Monster? Focusing on who God created you to be: your unique identity in Him. That’s different for each of us, however, it will profoundly reflect His nature in some way such as…

Remember, whatever you focus on grows. And whatever you search for, you will find!

When your focus is on who He created you to be, it changes everything! That shift enables you to experience the freedom, peace, confidence, and more that you were meant to enjoy and that has a positive impact both personally and professionally.

How Does This Work?

I don’t want to imply that this is a quick fix or an instant remedy. It’s a process of realizing sooner and sooner that your Fear Monster is at work and consciously choosing to walk in the truth of who you really are.

This process requires you to intentionally take your thoughts captive and trust that God loves you, is for you, and that He’s always up to something good as He works in your life.

As you practice, you’ll see what a powerful and effective difference this profound shift makes!

With all the many positive aspects to my life, why in the world would I choose to keep hunting for illusive snakes or the lies that my Fear Monster is telling me?

While your Fear Monster wants to whittle your life down to something small and keep you wide-eyed for “snakes” and all that frightens you, God wants your life to be big and purposeful. God’s desire is for your life to reflect His love, grace, and abundance in a way that brings Him glory!

How is your Fear Monster limiting your life personally and/or professionally?

Identify your Fear Monster, who God created you to be, and discover how fear is shrinking your possibilities personally and professionally – it’s all a part of my get-to-know-you session. Learn more about working with me and/or contact me here.

Or if you prefer, start the stand alone course Freedom From Fear.

Originally posted on 11/23/18, this post has been updated and revised just for you!