This Is What Throws Me Off Balance

Surprisingly, balance, in the work-life sense, is a topic of debate. Some would argue that balance is impossible, thus making the concept a myth. Others prefer to refer to it as “work-life negotiation” or “work-life alignment” with personal fulfillment.

I cling to the concept of work-life balance: an intentional effort to show up and operate at your best in all areas of your life. It requires awareness, focus, discipline, and minute by minute adjustments to remain in balance.

One day you may need to lean a little more into the work direction while the next day your tilt is toward your personal life. Other days your slant might be towards your professional endeavors in the morning, but the remainder of the day the people in your life get your full attention. On days your work schedule is particularly full, you might reduce the time you spend exercising.

Another way of looking at work-life balance is channeling your efforts in the important aspects of your life consistently without neglecting any of those key aspects.

However, maintaining your balance in the midst of chaos is tricky! And I’ve noticed that balance comes more easily to some than it does for others.

Managing the Wakes

When my granddaughter was a mere 21 months-old, she took great joy in walking from one end of the pontoon boat to the other. On an ordinary day, that would not have been all that impressive, but on this particular day the lake was unusually choppy. Wake after wake didn’t deter her from continuing to strut her stuff.

There were a couple of moments that caught her off guard, but each time she quickly got back up and kept on going, showing off her mighty sea legs or “lake-legs” in this case!

There is no denying that her much lower center of gravity worked in her favor, however she also lacked the ability to see over the side and anticipate the wakes!

If truth be told, I envy her ability to take the wakes in stride.

That sweet granddaughter will soon turn nine, and it’s obvious that she is gifted in the balance department! With a huge smile, she recently showed me her costume for her upcoming ballet recital. She absolutely loves to dance, loves to perform, and she is quite good at it! I don’t say that just because I am a proud Grammy – she was asked to dance at the next level because her dance teacher sees her talent too!

Wakes of Life

Life throws all sorts of “wakes” my way, and I’m not always able to adjust, respond, and navigate them with the same level of grace and speed that my granddaughter does.

What throws me off balance? Here are nine “wakes” that have the potential to trip me up and keep me from doing life personally and professionally in a balanced way:

1. Capacity Illusion

I share this wake with you first because I’m particularly susceptible to it. I operate under the illusion that I’m able to accomplish more than I actually am. To make matters worse, I enjoy a wide variety of activities, so narrowing them down is challenging. I also get excited about taking on a challenge!

Unfortunately, activities or tasks have a way of growing, and before I know it I’m feeling utterly overwhelmed and I have no one to blame but myself.

Sadly, when I take on too much, it negatively impacts other areas of my life; my relationships suffer, my house suffers, and my soul suffers!

The truth is I want to do it all, but my capacity is limited. I don’t get extra points by proving how much I can take on!

I’ve learned, and continue to learn, to be more realistic about what I take on. Deliberately taking time to pause and reflect on how I’m feeling each morning and to evaluate how I am doing both personally and professionally each month have been game changers!

And that leads me to my next “wake.”

2. Clinging – Not Letting Go

More often than not, the solution to my capacity issue is to let go of tasks or responsibilities, yet letting go is hard! It takes practice and experiencing the joy that comes with doing less.

It isn’t just the “doing” that I need to let go of. Hanging onto slights, offenses, and hurts is a recipe for bitterness, which also throws me off balance.

My feelings get hurt. I’ll bet yours do too! Paying attention to what those feelings are revealing about me and constructively dealing with the issues they are exposing on my end makes a difference.  Sometimes it means sharing my feelings with the right parties too.

Clinging to slights and not forgiving only hurts me – it’s harmful to my health and negatively impacts my attitude.

3. Skimping or Skimming

Yes, the quality of my time with God makes a BIG difference, perhaps the biggest difference, in how well I maintain my balance. The more I trust Him, and the less I trust myself, the better balanced I am!

Making  the most of my time with Him each morning and then allowing Him to lead and guide my day is critical because when I don’t…I wobble!

4. Avoiding

Aka…procrastinating at…

• • • Tasks that I don’t particularly enjoy
    • Overwhelming projects or chores
    • Conversations that feel hard
    • Anything that I’m afraid to do
    • What I don’t feel confident enough to do

Whatever I’m avoiding weighs me down in ways that prevent me from operating at my best. Putting things off doesn’t free me from whatever I am attempting to escape. In fact, sometimes while I am putting it off, that thing grows!

On the other hand, when I proactively tackle that thing, I not only gain confidence, but it also frees energy for what’s most important.

5. Bad Boundaries

In general, I maintain pretty decent boundaries, yet at times I allow myself to venture into victim mode and let others cross my boundaries in ways that lead to resentment.

I have a tendency to compromise my boundaries when my Fear Monster is triggered. That leads to feelings of sadness, rejection, and/or shame which have a way of creating more wakes in my life.

In reality, I am the keeper of my boundaries. It’s my job to state them clearly and let other know what action I will take if my boundaries are not respected. When I don’t maintain my boundaries, it throws me off balance and crowds out what’s most important. And it keeps me from getting my needs met in the way that I desire. More wakes!

6. Criticism

In today’s world, people feel free to criticize. and it’s often done in a public way. Negativity is a joy stealer and it’s one of the many reasons it is essential for me to be in the Word and in regular conversation with God so that I’m clear on my identity in Him – who He says I am.

Criticism or feedback is not inherently bad, however. In fact, it serves me well if I’m willing to learn and grow from what’s being shared. It all depends on how I choose to receive what’s being said.

7. Circumstances

Unexpected events, challenges, sicknesses, sticky situations, tragedies, etc. all have the potential to really rock my world and throw me off balance.

Trusting that God is truly in control, and that He loves me deeply, keeps me anchored in those uncertain moments. It is a deep down believing that He’s got me and He is big enough to see me through those difficult circumstances.

On the flip side, doubt trips you up.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Proverbs 3:5 (MSG)

8. Clashes

Conflict is inevitable. People have very different perspectives and priorities even around the very same events. When there is unresolved conflict in my life, I don’t feel at peace or in balance. That’s why it’s important for me to make an effort to really hear where others are coming from and then work out the differences swiftly at least on my end so that I’m not in a precarious place too long.

9. Rubs With My Values

I’ve recently shared on this topic, so I won’t elaborate in depth except to say when something it out of alignment with what’s most important to me it’s going to have an impact on my balance.

There will be wakes – the unexpected, grueling circumstances, and ridiculously hard stuff that threatens to mess with my equilibrium. It certainly helps when you have happy routines, healthy habits, and are able to quickly realize when your balance is off.  And it is abundantly helpful to have a clear understanding around what it is that throws YOU off balance!

So…what throws you off balance?