This Is How You Increase Your Capacity

Your capacity is not fixed despite how much you might want it to be. In truth, your capacity ebbs and flows even from day to day! Expecting your capacity to be constant and unchanging leads to you feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and eventually burned out.

This year has proven interesting with numerous life events taking place. Some were happy events, like helping my daughter after the birth of grand number eight and investing in a family member that moved to town who had never lived on their own before. Other events were sad, like the death of my mother-in-law.

I also launched The LAB on top of coaching, volunteering, and trips that were previously planned. It’s been a lot!

Perhaps this year has been laced with happy and sad unexpected life events for you too!

Here’s what I’ve taken away from this year: I often downplay the toll that events have on me and my capacity. In my conversations with others I know I am not alone. Sadly, we frequently expect to keep up regardless of what’s going on in our lives.

Words That Stopped Me in My Tracks!

Recently I was checking out an artist new to me, and while listening to one of his songs a line jumped out at me…

“and now you still running with your shoes untied?” (J.D. Graham, My Old Friend)

Despite what’s going on in our lives, we keep on running, perhaps even speeding up, not realizing that we are about to trip and fall face first in the dirt because our shoes are untied! We just don’t take the time needed to do simple things like tie our shoes that would make a big difference!

Back to capacity.

What is Capacity?

Your capacity is your ability to think, feel, and function. It’s what you have to give to yourself, others, and your obligations. The size of your container equals your capacity.

Unconsciously you may be viewing your personal capacity and your professional capacity as two different containers, but you are only ONE person!

Have you been ignoring the factors that are shrinking your capacity?

Circumstances Outside Your Control

As I mentioned when I described a bit of my year to you, there have been events this year that have been outside my control. Literally added weights that have displaced my capacity like a rock in my capacity container!

What unexpected events have you faced this year that have displaced your capacity that you have been ignoring?

• A Job loss
• Death of a loved one
• An accident or health issue
• Marriage difficulties or divorce
• Unforeseen responsibilities
• A move
• An ongoing conflict

And that’s just the beginning!

Don’t underestimate the toll life experiences have on you and your capacity!

Negative Emotions

When circumstances outside of your control take place they are often exacerbated when you don’t face or process the negative feelings that accompany those experiences. Emotions like sadness, anger, disappointment, resentment, self-doubt, fear, frustration, and guilt, all drain your energy. Negative emotions actually cause your capacity to leak out!

Ignoring the negative emotions only increases the leak.

Unrealistic Expectations

Unlike circumstances outside your control, you have the power to alter your expectations. The truth is that your expectations for yourself are often far too high and when you aren’t able to meet those expectations your response is all too harsh. That’s a nasty!

Having unrealistic expectations gives you the illusion that your capacity is greater than it actually is.

If you are deriving your value by what you do, you will demand that you do more and more because you don’t know what “enough” actually is.

If you are trying to match the capacity of others, that’s an unfair game! You may not be taking into account the differing seasons of life, loads, personality, etc. that make trying to match another person’s capacity a poor measuring stick.

Our capacity shrinks and expands in the course of a year because each season has different demands. For example, many find the end of the year to be a particularly demanding time, between preparing for the holidays, additional social events, and end-of-the-year demands work-wise.

For you, summer might be a the challenging season with kids at home and needing to work around vacations.

There are additional factors that contribute to our unrealistic expectations including…

• Personality – some are energized by people while others are drained, but you may not be taking this into consideration when managing your capacity.
• Always giving – women are notoriously guilty of pouring out and pouring out to the point of depletion.
• Underestimating the time tasks take – everything takes longer than you think it will, but even though you experience this frustration over and over again, you don’t adjust your expectations.

Poor Habits

Skipping meals, eating unhealthy foods, neglecting exercise, and not carving out time for connecting with friends are all habits that we think will create more space in our life, but it actually lessens our capacity,

Neglecting self-care or time with God? These are also poor habits that ultimately result in you cheating yourself because these are all activities that would fill you up and expand your capacity; healthy habits that would enable you to operate at your best!

I’ve depicted these four “capacity shrinkers” separately, however they are often interconnected. As your capacity shrinks, your inner critic and/or Fear Monster get louder. To avoid more negative feelings you try to do more, faster, which further depletes your capacity all the more. It’s a discouraging cycle.

So what do you do instead?

1. Slow down!

Yes, the tendency is to speed up and try to accomplish more but in the process you become more exhausted and less effective. Rest is a wonderful way to replenish your capacity. Sometimes you need to just stop. Other times, just go at a slower pace.

2. Tune In

God provided you with emotions for a reason. Like the dashboard on your car, they offer the invaluable information you need to do life! Here a few questions to ask yourself:

• • • What are you feeling?
    • What unrealistic expectations are you trying to live up to?
    • What do you really want?
    • What do you really need in this season?
    • What is enough?
    • What lies are you embracing?
    • How is your Fear Monster at work?
    • What is your capacity right today? In this season?

As you assess your capacity, determine what full capacity looks like and then reduce it by 30% because you might still be unrealistic and you need margin in your life to deal with the unexpected.

As you grow in self-awareness, this process becomes easier.

Beware! In some circles, especially religious circles where serving others and neglecting yourself is badge of honor, being honest with yourself may be harder. Other circles, where the emphasis is placed on productivity rather than on maturity, fruitfulness, and peace of mind, also make this challenging.

3. Prioritize

There is a tendency to think that all tasks, responsibilities, obligations, etc. hold the same importance, but that’s just not true! Determine YOUR Top Three priorities each day – the most important items to invest your time in.

Don’t be pulled by what others believe your priorities should be. And remember that priorities are constantly shifting! That’s why it’s important for you to learn to prioritize on the fly.

Be prepared; it is unlikely that everything you want to get done will get done, but if anything gets done it will be your Top Three!

4. Fill Up First

Get in the habit of protecting your capacity by spending time with God, having healthy habits, practicing self-care, and engaging in life-giving activities daily.

Side benefit: these activities will also bring more joy and peace to your life!  The more you fill up the more you have to pour out! When we pour out from an empty place, resentment and frustration follow.

5. Protect Your Capacity

It’s OK to say no and to have boundaries that respect your limits and protect your capacity. You can’t do everything so create boundaries that protect your priorities and allow you to fill up first so you are able to bring more focus, creativity, patience, etc. to whatever you choose to do.

6. Count the Cost

You may be thinking, “That all sounds great, but I seriously don’t have the time to deal with all this!” Or some of you may be thinking, “All that emotional junk is just too much for me.”

It’s that sort of thinking that’s been bit by bit nibbling away at your capacity all along! And you may also be experiencing…

• • • Unnecessary tolls on your health, relationships, quality of work, motivation, and enjoyment of life!
    • A lack of creativity and innovation.
    • Frustration and/or resentment due to not having boundaries in your life.
    • A lack of self-awareness that is actually hindering you in your work and personal life.
    • The inability to handle what comes your way.

7. Get Help!

If you’ve had been experiencing any of the four “capacity shrinkers” I mentioned for long, knowing what is realistic might elude you. That’s why working with a coach, counselor, or therapist is so helpful. They are able to help you process, sort out your limits, create boundaries, spot lies, and do more that will ultimately increase your capacity and lead to more peace, confidence, and joy too!

Do you have the courage to stop and tie your shoes? To pause and take stock of where you are and the impact life is having on you in this season?

Then you are able to create a strategy that truly honors your current capacity.

Photo: Pixaby