Hello Values, Good Bye to “The Rub”

Ever felt “the rub” as a leader?

It’s that uncomfortable, irritating sensation you experience in certain organizations or individuals you work alongside.

It’s Not A Fun Sensation!

“The rub” is that annoying sensation that is hard to put your finger on. That feeling reminds me of how I felt when I wore a particular blouse. It looked great, but it was literally a pain in the neck!

Every time I wore that super cute blouse, I was constantly adjusting and tugging at it in an attempt to get comfortable, but nothing seemed to bring relief.

I tried cutting the tag out of the blouse, but the tiny itty bit of tag that remained continued to aggravate the back of my neck.

A few hours into wearing that blouse and I couldn’t wait to change clothes! It made it tough to focus on anything other the irritation I was experiencing. It always left a mark! Ouch!

The only way for me to be free of “the rub” was to ditch the blouse despite how much I liked how it looked.

Maybe I’m extra sensitive, but some tags have a way of rubbing you raw!

“The Rub” As A Leader

Maybe you’ve experienced a similar irritating rub or rubs as a leader, situations that were mighty uncomfortable and left a mark! I certainly have! In fact, one leadership role in particular comes to mind. I’m a proactive gal, so I tried a variety of ways to eliminate the rub just like I did with my blouse, but sadly got similar results. The rub persisted.

In hindsight, it would have been wise to ditch the leadership role just like I ditched the blouse. That would have saved me a lot of frustration! But I lingered longer than I should have because I loved the people I served.

The Good News

God always has valuable lessons for us in the midst of the rub! Here are three lessons I took away from my tag-like leadership role.

Lesson #1: Anything that is in conflict with my values will inevitably create a rub.

My values are unique to me. I value…

• • • Relationships (with God, family, and friends)
    • Communication
    • Stewardship (using my time, money, and energy well especially in the area of health, learning, and relationships)
    • Creativity
    • Practicality

My values drive my priorities and my choices. Your values do too!

God made me an original, just like He made you an original. As long as your values aren’t in conflict with God’s ways, the possibilities are endless.

As I live and lead with my values, those around me will be influenced by me. And it’s crazy, but more often than not, the influencing moments happen when I don’t even realize it!

Did you know that the Hanes company made the decision to go “tagless” because they wanted to stay true to what they value: providing comfort, and to continue to thrive financially. Going “tagless” served them well! And “tagless” makes me happy too!

The rub in the leadership role I previously mentioned three of my top five values were repeatedly being challenged: Communication, Relationships, and Stewardship.

When you are clear on your values, it is easy to see where the rub might be in your situation too.

Lesson #2: If I’m experiencing a conflict with my values, I must take action.

If I feel the rub, I need to be proactive. It’s worth sharing my values with those involved and learning what their values are too. That just might open the door to potential ways to better align and eliminate the issues. Or it may reveal that your values won’t be honored and moving on would be the wiser solution. If that is the case, then it’s time for me to make a change. Not because I’m a failure, or I’m giving up, but because of “the rub.”

Moving on not only benefits me, but it ultimately makes room for someone else who is a better fit! Or my moving on may motivate those left behind to make adjustments that will better serve the team or organization.

Now when I purchase a blouse, I make sure that the tag is not one that’s going to bother me. I apply that same practice to opportunities that come my way by exploring the values of those I will be interacting with and clearly communicating my values up front as well. That helps to minimize frustration and avoid potential rubs. There will still be challenges and issues to work through, but knowing what’s important to all involved so that you can settle on a solution becomes a simpler process.

Lesson #3: I can’t change circumstances or people – I can only change me.

That seems pretty obvious, yet it’s easy to slip into expecting others to switch up their behaviors and values to accommodate me. If the rub is still there, I need to focus on what I can change, and sometimes it means moving on.

Leaving a role isn’t easy – yet nothing lasts forever, right?

With the right heart and attitude, I have the confidence that God will lead me to healthier more satisfying option; something that utilizes my skills and abilities and taps into my passion without the persistent aggravation.

Because I can only change me, it’s critical that I be open to the possibility that there are ways I need to change or grow to prepare for what’s next. It never hurts to explore…

• • • How is my Fear Monster at work in this situation?
    • If I were to operate more out of who God created me to BE, what would that look like?
    • What skills am I lacking? What skills need to improve – communication, time management, self-care, etc.?
    • What conversations have I been avoiding that might ease the rub?
    • Who would give me honest feedback about how others are experiencing me at work (or in life)?
    • What is God saying to me about this situation?
    • Are there unhealed parts of me that need some attention? If so, what are they?

The beauty in “the rub” is that it is an invitation to grow as a leader. And “rubs” don’t just happen at work – they pop up in all areas of life.

Where are you feeling the rub personally or professionally?

Are you ready to address “the rubs” in your life or work? You’ve got some options! Consider…

One-on-one coaching with me or The LAB.

Identify your Top 5 Values here.