12 Ways Even Good Leaders Break Trust

Without trust, you are making your job as a leader far harder than it needs to be!

Breaking trust is easy – doesn’t take much. With that in mind, it makes sense to increase your awareness around potential ways you might be whittling away at trust. After all, your people are unlikely to let you know what isn’t working when trust is shaky.

How You View Trust

It’s important to note that trust isn’t something that is earned. If you wait to trust your people until they demonstrate how trustworthy they are, that’s too late.

If you view trust as something that is built, that too sets you up for failure because it treats trust in a transactional way. The “built” model of trust also falls prey to a tit-for-tat way of interacting whether keeping is on purpose or subconscious. Another flaw with this approach is that is suggests that once trust is established, it’s a done deal, but trust is fragile, a never ending work in progress.

A better way of viewing trust is that it is reciprocal. As the leader, the onus is on you to extend trust to your people first, which then invites them to trust you in return. If you have trust issues, you will want to resolve those issues before it negatively impacts your relationship with your team.

Trust is rooted in relationship, which are complex.

Compounding Trust

Lately, there’s been quite a bit of talk at my house around the topic of compound interest. My husband and I have created 529 accounts for each of our eight grands in an effort to set them up for a bright future. Our oldest grand is ten and we are beginning to see the magic of compound interest gaining momentum in his account.

In this stage of life, we’ve also had a number of conversations regarding retirement accounts. No worries – my husband and I both thoroughly enjoy our work and plan to keep at for the foreseeable future, but it would be foolish to not keep tabs on our retirement accounts. It’s exciting to see how compounding is working in our favor there too.

Trust is also an investment, and it’s the little everyday interactions that add up and lead to that happy compounding principle with the people you lead.

There’s also the not so happy compounding that happens with debt. Even if you pay the minimum payment on your credit cards, overtime the interest adds up, especially if you keep adding to the debt, which never works in your favor. Getting on top of debt often feels daunting, particularly when you are truly strapped!

Many leaders are in debt up to their eyeballs when it comes to trust with their people! Not only do they have to go above and beyond the “minimum payment” in the trust department, but in order to get out of the red, they need to make some significant deposits of trust to get back in the black!

Trust Is Essential To Relationships

Jon Gordon says, “Without trust you can’t have engaged relationships and without engaged relationships, you won’t be a successful leader, manager, sales person, team member, principal, teacher, nurse, coach, etc.”

I would even take Jon’s words further because trust is that important. It’s the make or break when it comes to your marriage, parenting, friendships, etc., so if you are thinking that trust is just something worth tackling for professional reasons, I would encourage you to explore how some of these twelve ways of breaking trust might be playing out for you personally as well.

This list is certainly not all inclusive. There are many more ways to break trust. However, here are 12 ways I see even good leaders inadvertently breaking trust:

1. Downplaying Mistakes

If you, as the leader, own up to your mistakes and take responsibility for making things right, it’s more likely that your people will do the same.

On the other hand, if you ignore or hide your mistakes, or are unwilling to own up to your mistakes or failures, it sends the message that your team needs to appear perfect too.

It breeds distrust when mistakes or failures are covered up rather than brought out into the light.

One of the signs that trust is alive and well in your organization is that your people are willing to take risks and try new ways of doing things because failures or mistakes are viewed as learning moments.

2. Cloudy Communication

At the heart of many relationships problems are misunderstandings. Words are powerful so how you communicate matters. Beware, your communication skills are enhancing your relationships and contributing to trust, damaging your relationships and eroding trust, or somewhere in-between!

Communication is a two-way street. It’s just as important for you to hear what your team members are communicating to you as it is for them to be clear on what you are communicating to them.

Communication goes beyond delegating tasks and relaying key information, although those are both important. It includes checking for understanding, adapting to the various personalities on your team, and observing body language.

For more ways you might be nibbling away at trust in the communication department, check out this post.

3. Controlling

Did you know that distrust is not the opposite of trust? The opposite of trust is control. When you don’t trust your people, you engage in controlling behaviors like micromanaging, overworking because you are stepping in and doing their work, withholding information, isolating, or not being transparent, etc. which eat away at trust.

4. Pretending

Thinking you have to have all the answers and being unwilling to admit what you don’t know is a trust crusher! However, being vulnerable and admitting what you don’t know, allows you to show up authentically which happily contributes to trust.

Now, suggesting that you be more vulnerable is not me encouraging you to begin revealing it all, but rather me inviting you to admit when you don’t know something and being real with your people. Being authentic – that’s going to boost trust!

5. Rushing

If you are expecting instant trust, you are in store for a heap of trouble! Trust takes time. Remember that compounding? The good news is that trust begets trust and it starts with you.

6. Focusing on “Me” Not “We”

Charles Green has an interesting Trust Equation:

Trustworthiness = (Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy) – Selfishness

When you are overly focused on yourself, your goals, your desires, your values, your way, etc., it doesn’t produce trust.

Part of what makes leadership complex is that you have to hone in on what’s going to best drive your people, utilize their skills, encourage them to grow, and more so that you can accomplish what needs to get done. That’s hard to do when you are selfish or self-focused.

Just one small way you might focus on the “we” is to invite the quieter voices to speak up and encourage the louder voices to listen so that as a team you are better positioned to collaborate.

7. Ignoring Growth Opportunities

The frustration that leaders often feel is frequently the result of their own lack of growth. They keep doing the same old thing and get irritated when they aren’t getting different results. Even worse they put the blame on their people instead of looking in the mirror.

Don’t underestimate how you making growth a priority naturally increases trust with your people. Three ways you might consider doing that:

• • • Ask your people for feedback.
    • Take time to reflect.
    • Work with a coach.

8. Ignoring Values, Priorities, and Goals

When you know someone is for you, it nurtures trust. That’s why it is important to know what your people value, what’s most important to them, and what their goals are both personally and professionally. When you interact with them in ways that honor their values, priorities, and goals, trust blooms!

9. Being Unreliable

If your word doesn’t mean anything, trust quickly dissolves. Do what you say you will even when it’s hard. When your people know they can depend on you, that you operate with integrity, trust is the fruit

10. Dragging Your People

Dragging is akin to micromanaging. It’s laying out what you want your people to do in such a detailed fashion that even a squirrel could execute what you’ve laid out. Instead, set the target and then draw out the unique and wonderful abilities of your people and allow them to bring their own creativity to the table. They may have a wildly different way of going about a task that might actually be better than your way. The more you empower them, the more you are able to release responsibilities that you don’t need to be involved in! Wouldn’t that be amazing?

11. Overworking

Perpetually working ultimately whittles away at your creativity, motivation, not to mention it turns you into a one-dimensional leader, models unhealthy boundaries, and may be conveying your lack of trust in your people!

12. Letting Fear Rule

When you operate out of fear, it has a way of triggering the fears of those around you and edging out trust. Maybe it’s fear of rejection – the number one goal of your Fear Monster, fear of appearing weak if you ask for help, the fear of failure, the fear of conflict, etc. Leading tends to be a lonely proposition, so you don’t need fear isolating you more!

It’s not too late! What changes would enable you to begin investing in trust with your people?