The Secret to Slaying Your Confidence Killers


Confidence – what would you do if you had more confidence?

The shift from confident to not so confident often takes place in the blink of an eye! And some days you have confidence in spades. Other days…confidence feels elusive.

Confidence is a curious thing! And before we tackle what’s killing your confidence, let’s explore what confidence actually is. Merriam-Webster defines confidence this way:

A feeling or belief that you can do something well
or succeed at something.

Perhaps that’s part of the problem – feelings lie and our beliefs are often misguided. That means our confidence is on shaky ground right out of the gate! And that’s not all – we know our limitations and shortcomings and often doubt our strengths. And with all that in mind, our mistakes sting and our failures leave scars. Little by little, our confidence gets whittled away!

Spinning Successfully & Operating Confidently

Have you ever wondered how ice skaters are able to spin and then gracefully transition into the next move without getting dizzy? The truth is that they still experience dizziness, but they rely on technique and practice, practice, practice!

When spinning, it‘s important for them to…

  • Be centered – anchored in a single position, not traveling over the ice or dance floor
  • Fix their eyes on a single point outside themselves at the end of a spin – helps skaters exit a spin
  • Practice!

You might be surprised to learn that skaters usually spin in only one direction. And the key to not getting dizzy? Ear hairs! No really! The ear hairs in the vestibular organs in the inner ear sense the fluid in the ear continuing to move even after you’ve stopped spinning, making you feel dizzy. However, after years of practice the brain naturally turns off those signals so that skaters – even ballet dancers and gymnasts – don’t experience the dizziness amateurs like you and I would feel!

So, what’s all the dizzy talk got to do with confidence? Well, there are some nifty parallels between dizziness and the confidence!

Parallel #1: They Still Feel Dizzy!

Yep! Spinning makes you dizzy no matter who you are, just with practice athletes learn to manage that feeling more successfully!

In the same way, you and I regularly find ourselves in situations that threaten our confidence. And with practice you discover that you can push through that feeling. It might be challenging, but it won’t kill you. Pretty soon, you don’t notice your confidence fading the way you once did.

Parallel #2: Sometimes They Fall!

I’ve watched enough competitive ice skating to witness more than a couple of falls! Even the best of the best fall sometimes. In fact, Nathan Chen, nicknamed “the Quad King,” helped the USA win a bronze medal in the team event in the 2018 Olympics. In the individual short program however, he finished 17th and dashing his hopes of an individual medal.

That didn’t stop him – he successfully won gold in the 2022 Olympics!

Thankfully, most of us don’t have a worldwide audience observing the spills we take in life. But just like Chen, we don’t have to let those falls define us. If you want to succeed, you have to learn from your spills and as you do, your confidence naturally grows.

Parallel #3: Centering Is Key!

Ideally, a spin is nearly stationary – on a single spot on the ice. Proper form, timing, and speed are essential for a spin to be properly centered. When any of those factors are missing, your spin will suffer.

The same is true in life. Without healthy habits, realistic limits, and successful time management skills, your life will wobble out of control! Remember, less is more. It’s tough to be confident when you are running yourself ragged and dividing yourself among too many different responsibilities.

Parallel #4: Muscle Memory

One of the perks to doing something over and over again is that you no longer have to think so hard about it. It frees up your brain to focus on doing what you are doing more smoothly and accurately. While you may never have tried to do a toe loop, flip, Lutz, Salchow, or Axel jump, you’ve probably have learned how to walk, ride a bike, or drive, which all involve a complex process becoming easier with practice thanks to muscle memory.

In life, there are similar tasks and skills that initially are quite complex and challenging, but with practice become much easier. So, if your confidence is shaky at first, don’t give up, invest the time and effort necessary to acquire that muscle memory.

Parallel #5: Mindset Matters

One of the take-a-ways for Chen from the 2018 Olympics was that being obsessed with winning the Olympics left him stressed and uptight all the time. It was a lot of pressure! It’s hard to do your best when you are stressed and uptight.

Chen came into the 2022 Olympics with the mindset that “win or lose, you’re going home and you’re going to continue the life that you had.” Looks like that kind of thinking made a powerful difference in his confidence and in his performance!

What ways of thinking are stealing your confidence? How are you putting unnecessary pressure you yourself?  Are you trying to…

Your inner dialogue is BIG when it comes to your confidence. What are you telling yourself? What thoughts repeatedly run through your head? Are they thoughts that are helping or hurting your confidence? Sadly,  those negative thoughts will make you dizzy!

Parallel #6: Off the Ice Life Is Everything!

Being a successful skater and not getting dizzy on the ice is just as much about what you do off the ice as it is about what you do on the ice. You see, when you aren’t eating healthy, getting enough rest, or doing the kinds of work outs that will enhance your performance on the ice, your performance will reflect that. For an ice skater, your body is your equipment and you want to take great care of your body, not just your skates.

I have no idea what Nathan Chen’s relationship with the Lord is, but I do know that we are not just physical beings, but spiritual beings. We need time with God and time with others in our life to arrive on the ice of life whole and arriving whole makes a huge difference in your level of confidence!

True Confidence

We mistakenly believe that confidence is something others have and we lack. Or that when we are successful THEN we will arrive at a more confident place. Or that a little more willpower will do the trick.

Having confidence is about going to the source and drawing your strength from the All-Powerful and ever faithful God. He’s the only One that is reliable enough to depend on in that way!

True confidence is not self-confidence. No! It’s God-fidence! Drawing your strength from Him, being acutely aware of His presence and help in all that you do. From that place you will reflect Him and others will see your God-fidence.

As you persist through hard times and big challenges and rely on God’s faithfulness your confidence grows…not your confidence in yourself, but in Him. That’s powerful!

So, step out and trust Him as you face those hard scary tasks…the ones that get your heart racing and your palms sweating! Stop putting off that thing – let go of the need to do everything perfect! Quit your worrying – you aren’t in control anyway! You will be glad you did!

Don’t be so naive and self-confident. You’re not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence. I Corinthians 10:12 (MSG)

Do not be afraid of sudden terror or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes, for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught. Proverbs 3:25-26 (ESV)

So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:6 (NIV)

What would be different in your life or work if you had more God-fidence?

Marvae Eikanas

Marvae Eikanas is an author, entrepreneur, ICF certified coach, Career Direct Consultant, DISC consultant, and HBDI practitioner. She helps her coaching clients sharpen their skills, face their fears, eliminate funky mindsets, hone their habits, and cultivate clarity so they can THRIVE personally and professionally. Schedule a consultation with Marvae here.

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