The REAL Purpose of Self Care Is…

What are your beliefs around self-care? Perhaps that’s not something you’ve considered recently, yet what you believe about self-care is influencing how you care for you.

In order to survive, your basic needs must be met. However, if you want to operate at your best and flourish in a life-giving way, more than your basic needs must be tended to. That’s the REAL purpose of self-care: to ensure that you are well cared for so that you flourish in life!

It’s a little like living paycheck to paycheck versus having enough money for an emergency fund and saving for retirement, plus a little extra.

Misconceptions

Your beliefs just might be keeping you in survival mode! Some of the misconceptions I’ve observed around self-care that often prevent people from truly flourishing in their life and work include believing that self-care is…

1. A Luxury

Self-care requires an abundance of time and money. It’s expensive and time consuming!

The Truth: Self-care is possible without spending a dime! For example, taking a walk, journaling, or setting boundaries are ways of practicing self-care that require far more intention than time and money!

2. Selfish

If I practice self-care, people will think I’m self-centered. I should put others first.

The Truth: When you are well cared for, you are in a better position to offer care to others. When caring for yourself is a priority, your ability to sustainably care for others actually increases.

3. What You Do When…

You are stressed or burned out. Self-care is the last resort – the way to recover.

The Truth: Consistent self-care lessens your stress and keeps burnout at bay.

4. The Same for Everyone

If practicing self-care like that way works for others, it should work for me too.

The Truth: We are all wired differently. What self-care looks like for me might be totally different from how it looks for you. Your personality, interests, and many other variables are all factors in what is self-care for you.

5. The Cure-All

Practicing self-care is the remedy to all my problems.

The Truth: You may still need to address your issues, add structure to your life, or get professional help to enjoy the relief you seek. It would be wonderful if self-care solved all our problems, but the good news is that it doesn’t make your problems worse!

6. Something To Be Earned

Once I accomplish this task, successfully change in this area, or ____________, then I will deserve self-care.

The Truth: Somehow, THEN never comes! If you put off self-care until you have checked everything off, it will never happen! However, if self-care is your priority, those tasks are more likely to not just get done, but be done even better!

7. A Solo Adventure

Self-care is something that is done alone.

The Truth: While there are numerous ways to practice self-care solo, and there are just as many ways of practicing self-care that involve other people. That’s especially good news for you extroverts or highly relational types!

8. Not As Important As Productivity

It’s tempting to evaluate your worth, significance, or whether or not you are enough by what you do. You may even mistakenly think getting a bunch done is a version of self-care.

The Truth: Being productive is a good thing! Did you know that when you regularly engage in self-care it actually makes you more productive? You need a healthy rhythm of getting tasks done AND rest, play, and even a little doing nothing in your life, which are happy forms of self-care!

9. Just A “Feel Good”

Thinking that self-care consists of optional activities that make you happy!

The Truth: Sometimes self-care is uncomfortable and downright difficult! Have you ever thought about hard conversations, breaking bad habits, setting and maintaining boundaries as self-care? They are! Sometimes the most beneficial acts of self-care feel anything but good!

10. In Conflict With Scripture

The Bible tells us that…

Then He said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. Luke 9:23 (NLT)

And He was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to follow Me [as My disciple], he must deny himself [set aside selfish interests], and take up his cross daily [expressing a willingness to endure whatever may come] and follow Me [believing in Me, conforming to My example in living and, if need be, suffering or perhaps dying because of faith in Me]. Luke 9:23 (AMP)

• • • I’ve shared two versions of this verse – the New Living Translation, which uses the word “selfish,” as well as the Amplified version, to clarify that we are to put Christ first and be willing to follow Him wherever He leads, including death. However, there’s a difference between indulging yourself and your selfish interests and practicing healthy self-care and taking responsibility for caring for you in the ways only you can.

Scripture also tells us…

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Philippians 2:3-5 (NLT)

• • • The implication in this passage is that you WILL take care of your own interests AND the interests of others!

A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls. Proverbs 25:28 (NLT)

• • • Practicing self-care is a discipline; it requires self-control.

The Truth: You are to steward the life and body that God has given you. How you, as a believer, practice self-care will look different than the way the world does.

Of course there are endless possible misconceptions around self-care, but which of the ten I’ve shared have you bought into? 

The REAL Purpose of Self-care

As I previously mentioned, the real purpose of self-care is to ensure that your needs are met so that you flourish. When you are flourishing, your relationships, life, work, and more all benefit! Don’t fool yourself! You have the same human needs all humans have!

When you first arrived in this world, you had needs. Back then, it was your parents’ or caretakers’ responsibility to meet your needs. The more successful they were in meeting your needs, the healthier you are today. If they met some needs, but not others, It’s has some negative effects on you.

Today, as an adult, you are the one responsible for getting your needs met. That doesn’t mean you will be able to meet all of them on your own. You will have to ask for what you need. That means being proactive and surrounding yourself with safe, healthy people in your life who are able to meet some of your needs.

Often, what complicates matters is that you don’t know what you need or you have never learned how to ask for what you need. You may find meeting certain needs comes easy, but neglect others. Understanding what your needs actually are, is great place to start!

Needs

With that in mind, let’s explore a couple of different perspectives on needs – what self-care is meant to meet.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Here’s a quick summary of each of the five levels of needs. Keep in mind that if the first level of needs has not been met, it’s difficult to meet the needs above it.

Physiological Needs

• Oxygen – without breath, there is no life! If you are reading this, of course you are breathing…but how often are your breaths shallow?
• Food – healthy and nutritious food in sufficient quantities.
• Water – adequate intake of water so that you are well hydrated.
• Shelter – a place to live out of the elements.
• Clothing – not the latest fashion, but the appropriate clothing for the weather.
• Rest – getting enough deep sleep.
• Exercise – activity that increases your heart rate and works your muscles for strength flexibility and balance.

Safety & Security Needs

• Physical safety – safe from physical harm or danger. Safe from the elements.
• Financial safety – a means to provide for yourself.
• Emotional safety – safe from toxic environments or relationships.
• Stability & structure – a consistent, reliable, predictable, environment.

Love & Belonging

• Family & friends – people you feel loved, desired, and accepted with.
• Intimacy – feeling close to people – deeply known and understood.
• Affection – feeling physically close to people.
• Supported – feeling cared for, validated, and important to others.
• Trust – feeling you can trust and depend on the people around you.
• Kindness – feeling that the people around you care and consider your needs.

Self-Esteem

• Confidence – feeling like you are competent and succeeding at what you pursue.
• Respect – feeling respected and valued.
• Recognition/Acknowledgment – feeling celebrated and noticed for your efforts.
• Achievement/Growth – feeling challenged by what you are working on.

Self-Actualization

• Morality – having a sense of right and wrong.
• Creativity/Adventure/Play/Discovery – regularly having new, exciting experiences and discoveries that bring you joy and laughter.
• Purpose – knowing that your life has meaning and that you are making a difference.
• Presence/Beauty/Gratitude – having a sense of appreciation for life and the world around you.
• Solitude – having adequate alone time to process and refresh yourself.
• Self-awareness – knowing who you are, what you like, and your limits and accepting you.
• Autonomy – feeling like you have a sense of control and freedom to make your own choices.

8 Emotional Needs

• While integrated into Maslow’s Hierarchy, these emotional needs are worth highlighting:
• Attachment
• Attention
• Acceptance
• Affection
• Appreciation
• Approval
• Allowance – freedom to express your emotions and be your authentic self
• Autonomy

12 Needs

While too much to elaborate on here, it’s worth exploring the 12 needs which are expanded on in great detail in this video. In many ways, self-care is a way of re-parenting yourself so that flourishing is possible.

My hope is that your perspective on self-care shifts and you begin to notice your needs and proactively take steps to meet them. I can’t wait to hear the positive impact that has on your life and work.

Where will you begin?

Photo Credit: UnSplash/Debby Hudson