Life Changes And So Can You

Change is something you can’t escape – it’s a part of life!

Some changes are exciting and you eagerly embrace them. They are brimming with “want to.”

Other changes are thrust upon you – you didn’t want, resist, and make you feel uncomfortable. They may even feel catastrophic.

Sudden Snow

Yesterday the weather was beautiful – blue skies and puffy clouds. The next morning you wake up to discover that there is nearly a foot of snow coating the ground. (In my neck of the woods, even a few inches shuts the town down!) It’s a sudden and drastic shift in weather.

This sudden change might be a welcome change if you are…

• Excited about the opportunity to go skiing.
• Eager to miss school because you weren’t prepared for your science test.
• Happy about getting out and playing in the snow.
• Delighted to have a free, cozy, warm day inside to read a book.

This sudden change might be an unwanted change if you…

• Have an important business trip scheduled and the flight was cancelled.
• Had plans to leave for a wonderful family vacation everyone had been anticipating for months.
• Are stuck at home with the kids and have a work Zoom call you can’t miss.
• Have to shovel the walkway, scrape ice off your windshield, and navigate the slippery roads.

Even within the same household, the sight of snow might evoke very different responses!

The impact that change has on you depends on your perspective, expectations, and your ability to adapt. Both welcome and unwanted change invite you to stretch, venture outside your comfort zone, and grow.

Resisting change, which is a completely natural response, has a way of leading to consequences that only make change more difficult. Consequences like…

• Additional stress, tension, anxiety, or frustration.
• Feeling emotionally and/or physically drained.
• Missed opportunities.
• Compromised confidence.
• Stalled growth or getting stuck.
• Confusion
• Frustration

If only resisting change prevented change, but it doesn’t.

Let’s explore both kinds of change a bit more.

Welcome Changes

There are changes you want to make like…

• Taking steps to start a family.
• Saving to buy a house.
• Walking out a strategy to connect with new clients.
• Growing as a leader.
• Starting an exercise plan to help you lose twenty-five pounds.
• Getting up earlier in order to spend more time with God.
• Setting boundaries to improve your work/life balance.
• Working with a counselor to improve your marriage.

These kinds of changes may also involve changing your beliefs, habits, routines, etc., but you are willing to make those changes because the end result is worth it to you.

These are most likely changes you initiate. Wondering what the best strategy is for making those “want to” changes?

1. Focus on What’s In Your Control

When it comes to making this wanted change, what is dependent on you and in your control? You have control over your…

• • • Mindset – Your thinking about the change, the process, etc. colors your attitude.
    • Effort – How consistent will you be? How much energy will you put into learning new habits or skills?
    • Boundaries – What needs to be protected? How will protect what needs to be protected?
    • Choices – The decisions you make each day that impact around what you are choosing to do to make that change.
    • Responses – How you deal with the unexpected interruptions, fails, or frustrations.

As much as you might want to, it’s not possible for you to control the outcomes of your efforts, other people, the many surprises life brings, or the past.

Guess what else is dependent on you? What you will change. You get to decide and that translates into setting goals – and hopefully a SMARTER Goals: Specific, Measurable, Actionable (the baby steps that will get you where you want to be), Risky and/or Relevant, Time-Bound, Evaluate, & Re-Adjust.

2. Channel Your Excitement

Since you are setting out to make a wanted change, excitement abounds!

Beware! When the process gets hard, your excitement will probably dwindle. That’s when discouragement has a way of setting in.

Having a plan to help you stay the course is quite helpful. That might be visualizing yourself having successfully made that change. It might be enlisting the help of a friend or family member to check-in on your progress. It might be working with a coach to help you navigate the change process and point out patterns or blind spots that are keeping you from realizing the change you desire.

3. Pace Yourself

When attempting to make changes, it doesn’t always happen as quickly as you think it should because it takes time. Be patient!

Allow yourself the space and grace to make the desired change. Notice I said “the desired change” because trying to make a bunch of changes simultaneously rarely works and are you are more likely to give up.

It’s better to focus on a single change and the actions you need to take to make that change. Once you’ve made that change, then, move on to another one you want to make.

Try tracking your progress – for many that’s a game-changer! If you are a techy, maybe Trello, Goalscape, or LifeTick (it uses SMART goals) is a better fit.

4. Prepare for the Obstacles

As you seek to make a change, you will encounter obstacles along the way. If you aren’t prepared for those obstacles, they will sabotage your efforts.

Give yourself permission to practice and experiment – space to find what works best for you.

And now and then, you might need to give yourself a little push along the way.

Resist the urge to be perfect. It’s impossible to be perfect, so what would be good enough?

Unwanted Changes

There are also changes that you didn’t ask for and/or don’t want! Changes that you didn’t get to pick, but you are forced to navigate like…

• Losing your job or being overlooked for a promotion.
• A miscarriage, loss of a loved one, divorce, or breakup.
• Illness or health challenges.
• An unwanted or unexpected move.
• Being forced to work back in the office.
• A rupture in a relationship.
• Leadership changes and/or reorganization.
• Your best friend moving away.

These kinds of changes also may require you to adjust your beliefs, habits, and routines even if you don’t want to. Because these changes aren’t wanted, the odds are greater that you will resist them, making the process that much harder.

Rather than change being something you initiate, it’s something you must respond to, but you may find you react instead.

So what’s different about navigating unwanted change?

1. Grieve What’s Been Lost

Don’t skip this! Not taking the time to process the pain…

• • • Keeps you stuck.
    • Leads to stress and/or physical issues.
    • Causes you to become numb, but when you can’t feel pain, you can’t feel the happier emotions either.
    • Prevents you from learning to adapt.
    • Limits your ability to become more resilient.
    • Stunts your growth.

2. Embrace The Uncertainty

Unwanted change feels uncertain, precarious, and scary. There’s no way of knowing what this unexpected change will mean or lead to. It feels uncomfortable.

On the plus side, navigating the unwanted change increases your tolerance for change, which will help you in the future. And it expands your comfort zone which also will serve you going forward in positive ways.

In order to do embrace the uncertainty you will need to…

• • • Acknowledge what you are really feeling.
    • Express your concerns to God – the One who is in control.
    • Practice being present – breathe and remember that what you are experiencing is temporary.
    • Determine what’s in your control and celebrate it and let go of what you can’t change.
    • Get curious – what is possible in light of this unwanted change? What are you learning about yourself? How might this situation be a gift? How might you respond in light of who God created you to be? If I knew I was totally accepted and loved, how would I respond?
    • Trust God – you don’t have to know because He does!

3. Accept & Adapt

In light of the forced change, what do you need to accept? What are the opportunities? Be on the lookout for the “open windows” and “doors.” Where do you need to flex and choose to adapt to the change?

4. Mind Your Mindset

There’s no better time to take your thoughts captive then in the midst of unwelcome change! In fact, how you think about the situation makes all the difference.

Where Do You Start?

No matter what type of change you are facing, determining where to start is the tricky part!

While I have laid out ordered steps for navigating change, sometimes the best way to approach it is to tackle what’s most appetizing first, what feels like an easy win. That’s why I give you permission to do the easy thing first when it comes to change.

Successfully accomplishing a step, any step, creates a ripple effect that leads to other positive steps. That’s a BIG win!

If you aren’t facing change today, don’t be surprised if change shows up tomorrow – perhaps a few feet of snow? This side of heaven, there’s no getting around change!

What change is in front of you right now? What will you do differently after reading this post