Give Yourself Permission – What Are You Waiting For?


She’s full of spunk and determination. She wants what she wants, and she communicates her desires with gusto as she points her sweet chubby little finger. (You may remember me mentioning her confidence here.) Still lacking the words to communicate her desires verbally, her points are frequently misunderstood.

She adores Grammy’s house; unlike her own house it has stairs – two sets! And what fun to do laps from one staircase to the other, over and over and over! To curtail the laps, one evening we closed both doors in the bonus room so that the stairs would be less tempting; or at least less accessible.

With stairs being the favorite game, her persistent points towards the door were interpreted as wanting to resume that fun game. When permission was not granted, a dramatic tantrum ensued. Later we realized that she was actually pointing in the direction of the kitchen in hopes of a meal and we all misunderstood her desires. I am certain in her little mind she was convinced we were denying her permission to eat. It’s a good thing wee ones are quick to forgive and generous with their love!

It’s tough when you’re young and permission is refused for so many enticing activities.

What’s even more disheartening is that as adults we often resist giving ourselves permission to engage in necessary activities like the eating that my sweet granddaughter was eager to do.

To be transparent with you, giving myself permission is something I’ve been working on. I’ve shared previously how I’m making space to do the things I love, to engage with the ones I love, and pursue what I love. After all, life is short. There’s no time to waste putting off the “good stuff” – the activities that bring me life – to some future date that may never come. And in reality, when I give myself permission to do life giving activities, it energizes me in powerful ways that fuel me to get more done in less time and be more creative too.

I won’t speak for you, but for me, often times I don’t give myself permission out of fear. That leads to procrastination, perfectionism, a poverty mentality (I don’t have enough time, money, or…) among other negative behaviors. And sadly, when my Fear Monster is the one that’s in control, I am almost guaranteed that my desires will not be met. And at my age, getting upset and throwing myself on the floor is a risky option!

The only person who can give me permission to engage in some very necessary activities is ME! It’s no one else’s fault – I am the one in charge of me.

What are you denying yourself permission to do?

Are you giving yourself permission to engage in these activities? Permission to…

1. Practice Self-Care

This is a great big bucket – so very many actions fit in this category: exercise, rest, time with family and friends, eating healthy, slowing down and connecting with how you feel, and so much more. And over and over again I hear people, especially leaders, convincing themselves in all sorts of ways that practicing self-care is a luxury that just doesn’t fit into their life. Some think it’s selfish; others that it’s a waste of time. You may even doubt that you are worthy of investing in yourself this way. Or that life is about pouring into others, not yourself.

If you have a demanding life, and most of us do, than engaging in activities that are energizing is essential! It is not sustainable to continuously be pouring out while never taking the time to replenish yourself. That might be why you feel desert like!

2. Succeed

It’s crazy, but believing that you don’t deserve success is rampant belief! You might not blurt it out quite that way, but it’s lurking in the background and holding you back.

The truth is that God created you, yes, YOU, in a unique and wonderful way. He longs for you to trust Him enough to take the risks necessary to walk fully with Him into whatever success He has for you.

Success doesn’t always mean raking in the bucks. It is operating fully in who He created you to BE and reflecting Him. It‘s using your gifts, talents, and skills to make a difference in the lives of others, which can lead to financial rewards, as well as many other rewards such as peace, joy, and a fruitful life. That’s pretty appealing!

Stop thinking success is off limits for YOU. Give yourself permission to succeed.

3. Make Mistakes

It’s OK to be imperfect; to fail. As long as you learn and grow – it’s all good! Stop convincing yourself that you have to have it all figured out before you begin or that if you make a mistake it will be catastrophic. There will be mistakes!

4. To Be Loved

Accepting love is a conscious choice. Hunting for hints that you are unlovable is a destructive way of doing5.  life. Choose to be loved! And most of all, absorb the immensity of His love for you!

5. Be YOU!

It’s easy to compare yourself to others and convince yourself that if you were more like so and so, then everything would be great.

The truth is, there is NO ONE else just like you! You are rare and valuable just the way you are so, give yourself permission to do YOU!

6. Say No

We say yes for all kinds of reasons, and sometimes “Yes” is the appropriate answer. And there are times, and you know when those times are, that the right answer is saying “no.”

What do you need to give yourself permission to say no to?

7. Ask For Help

In the game of life, you don’t get extra bonus points for playing the martyr and wearing yourself out. You just can’t do it all! And some things you can’t do on your own, so give yourself permission to get the help you need. That may involve delegating tasks, requesting additional resources, or enlisting the help of a counselor or coach.

There is no shame is asking for help. It is a shame when you make life harder than it has to be by trying to do it all on your own.

8. Get Paid What You Are Worth

Minimizing your worth is common, but it doesn’t have to be for you! When you believe you are worth it, so will others!

Have you been settling for too little?

How is fear keeping you from giving yourself permission to engage in necessary activities; activities that would serve you well? The only one who can give you permission is YOU!

The rewards are abundant. What are you waiting for – Ready to stop playing it safe?

What do you need to grant yourself permission to do?

Marvae Eikanas

Marvae Eikanas is an author, entrepreneur, ICF certified coach, Career Direct Consultant, DISC consultant, and HBDI practitioner. She helps her coaching clients sharpen their skills, face their fears, eliminate funky mindsets, hone their habits, and cultivate clarity so they can THRIVE personally and professionally. Schedule a consultation with Marvae here.

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