Communicating Just Like A Real Pro!

The communicating effectively is an essential skill for navigating life both personally and professionally. Even though we communicate daily, it’s rare to meet someone who has truly mastered the art of communication.

Life skills, like communication, are caught more than taught. Did you have people in your life who were amazing examples of how to communicate well? Those fine examples are hard to come by!

Without positive examples, you may have developed some pretty wonky ways of communicating. Growing in that area requires means intentionally seeking out healthier ways of communicating, stepping out of your comfort zone, and practice! To be transparent, I am still practicing!

Communicating Is More Than Talking!

Communication is a big bucket that includes…

• Verbal communication
• Body language
• Written communication
• Visual communication

Each method of communicating conveys thoughts, feelings, ideas, information, and/or needs. It’s important to remember that communication is a two-way street so it is just as much about receiving information and confirming understanding.

Misunderstandings are all too common, and occur because between the sending and receiving there are gaps. Perhaps the communicator is unclear, uses words that hold a different meaning, or assumes the other person understands. In the same way, the receiver may pretend to understand, interpret or read into what’s being said in a way the speaker didn’t intend, or be distracted and miss key details.

In order for great communication to take place both parties have a role to play.

When communication is successful, there is understanding, trust grows, and it leaves both parties feeling connected. On the other hand, poor communication breeds frustration, conflict, and erodes trust!

So much is wrapped up in the communication process and there’s lot a stake!

Communication Hiccups

It’s neat and tidy to lump people into the good communicator or bad communicator category, but in truth, even the best communicators experience communication hiccups.

For some, drafting an articulate letter or email comes easily, but thinking on your feet and expressing yourself well in the moment verbally is tough!

Some people are real pros when speaking to a crowd, yet get tongue tied when sharing their feelings one on one.

Are you a more talkative type? You have the potential to inundate others with words in way that leaves them confused about your point.

Are you more prone to shying away from speaking at all just to avoid saying the wrong thing? While seemingly safe in the moment, it often leads to the very outcome you were trying to avoid!

Emotions, timing, fear, insecurities – they all complicate the process, right? Who hasn’t been haunted by the inability to rewind your words, written or otherwise?

You know what it’s like to try to work after a conflict with your spouse or someone else close to you. It affects your mood, perspective, and focus at work.

What often doesn’t get talked about is poor communication in the workplace. Communication skills play a significant role in dealing with conflict, the level of productivity and engagement, and the overall vibe of the organization’s culture.

The Leader’s Role

If you aren’t a leader, you still have the opportunity to positively influence those around you by the way you communicate. However, as the leader, the way you communicate trickles down having an effect on everyone.

Sensing the need to embark on a communication overhaul? Rather than overwhelming yourself in that way, I encourage you to consider the following tips. Choose one to focus on that you feel would have a positive impact on how you communicate. Once you feel you’ve made progress in that area, move on to another area, increasing the odds that your communication improvements actually stick. You will be surprised how those small changes make a big difference!

1. Listen!

Great communication doesn’t begin with speaking, but with truly listening. Not formulating your response or rehearsing all you want to say. It’s about catching what’s being said, not being said, the emotions behind the words, and then checking that you understand what was being shared.

Conversations go south when you assume you know what the other person meant. Your beliefs, experiences, personality, etc. are all filters through which you hear what’s being said, but they are frequently inaccurate. That’s why reflecting back what you heard and confirming you understand is a must!

2. Practice Being Polite

It seems pretty basic, but simple niceties like smiling, make eye contact, acknowledging others as you pass them in the hallway, and saying please and thank you, all create a more positive environment! And of course, whenever possible, resist the urge to interrupt – that’s tough for some personalities! J

3. Clear Expectations & Follow Up

Occasionally people will let you down, but most of the time they want to get it right, but if you aren’t sharing your expectations up front that’s nearly impossible.

The beauty of setting clear expectations up front is following up is easier. You have something concrete to refer back to. It also opens the door for feedback where you have an opportunity to share how they met, exceeded, or missed the mark.

Effort in this area is invaluable for leaders, parents, and in relationships!

4. Avoid VOIDS!

Putting off or not responding to emails, phone calls, etc. creates a communication void. The person on the other side of your void never has positive feelings. Even if you don’t have the time to respond in detail or you aren’t able to attend the meeting, a quick note goes a long, long way towards maintaining a positive vibe between you, those on the other side.

Leaders, share the vision frequently. Connect what your people are doing back to that vision again and again so that they know how they contribute to the vision. The bonus: it keeps everyone more focused too!

5. Adjust

People give and receive information differently depending on their personality, thinking preferences, and cultural experiences. As a leader, it’s your responsibility to adapt to those you lead, although being able to adapt makes a positive difference even if you aren’t the leader!

Keep this in mind when communicating with different personalities:

Communicating successfully with different thinking preferences hinges on being able to “walk around the brain” and communicate in all four quadrants. It’s also a great guide when communicating in a variety of situations including meetings, marketing, presentations, sales, and more!

6. Ask Questions

You don’t have to have all the answers! Whenever possible, ask questions. As a leader, questions…

• • • Get your people thinking.
    • Help them to see what areas or perspectives they may have overlooked.
    • Invite them to come up with new ideas and/or better ideas.

In general, questions…

• • • Convey interest and make people feel valued.
    • Confirm understanding.
    • Lead to new insights and discoveries.

7. Request Feedback

Feedback is an incredible tool for growth! Ask your people to give you feedback. It’s a great way to cultivate a culture where feedback is normal and beneficial!

8. Address Issues ASAP

Nobody likes confrontation, yet issues left unaddressed rarely go away. They get worse! Don’t let issues linger or save them all up for the next one-on-one or yearly review.

Need a little help when it comes to addressing those sticky situations?

Try SBIN (Situation, Behavior, Impact, Next Steps):

#1 – Share the SITUATION

This provides context so the other person knows what you are referring to.

#2 – State the BEHAVIOR

Something you observed yourself, and if possible, state it in measurable terms.

#3 – Describe the IMPACT

How the behavior has impacted you or others.

#4 – Offer NEXT STEPS

Wrap up by setting expectations around what you’d like to have happen in the future or depending on the situation, coming up with a strategy together to address the issue.

Along the way, speak from an “I” viewpoint rather than a “you” viewpoint, makes it easier for the person you are speaking to to receive what you are sharing.

For example: As I listened to your sales presentation this morning it fell flat. I thought the humor was a great touch! I would have liked to hear 3-4 persuasive facts that might have helped close the deal. I believe if you make this adjustment in the future, you’ll be able to make a better deal and we will be closer to reaching our sales goals.

Did you spot the S, B, I, & N?

9. Inviting Discussion & Debate

When challenges arise, hashing out solutions together in a collaborative way leads to superior solutions. Don’t shy away from healthy discussion, debate, and exploration.

10. Use Appropriate Channels

Some topics are best dealt with face to face or by phone – not email, instant message, or text. Don’t make the mistake of trying to tackle delicate topics the easy way.

11. Establish a Communication Rhythm

There’s no denying that resolving issues along the way must happen. However, it also helps to have communication rhythms that your people can count on. That’s where one-on-ones and yearly reviews, weekly meetings, etc. come in.

Those rhythms allow you to…

• • • Understand the dreams and goals of those you lead and provide them with work they are truly excited about.
    • It’s also a chance to set expectations and give feedback AND a chance for them to share feedback with you.
    • Strengthen your relationships which builds trust and increases engagement.
    • Tune into problems.

Canceling or putting these meetings off communicates powerfully as well!

12. Pause

Some people process slower than others. Certain issues require more thought. It’s OK to put on the breaks and simply say, “I need some time to think about this before I respond.”

13. Brevity is Best

When communicating, less is more. It’s tempting to go on and on, especially when attempting to deal with a sensitive matter.  The more words you use, the more likely you are to say something that clouds what you want to communicate rather than adding clarity. Resist the urge to over explain. Short and sweet is best! Then, ask questions to determine what’s unclear.

If practiced, which communication tip would greatly enhance your communication? That’s a fantastic place to start!

© Can Stock Photo / DeziDezi

Originally posted on 8/28/18, this post has been updated and revised just for you!