Sweet Cravings That Feed Your Fear Monster

Cravings – we all have them! Did you know that your cravings or deepest desires in life actually feed your Fear Monster?

Let me explain. Think back to the last time you had a real hankering for a specific food. Was your craving for something healthy or something salty or sweet like chips, ice cream, or popcorn? Were you willing to go a little out of your way to satisfy your craving? The more intense the craving, the more effort you are willing to invest.

It’s common knowledge that when pregnant, the cravings seriously amp up! And often the yearning is for some rather unusual foods. If you’ve never experienced this for yourself, hang with me! The stereotypical craving is pickles and ice cream when expecting, but when I was pregnant with my first, I craved Turkey, bacon, cheese, and avocado all piled high on a croissant with a few alfalfa sprouts. Now this might not seem like a strange craving, but I typically don’t eat sandwiches, so for me it was quite strange!

I yearned for those croissants, truly yearned for them so much that I could hardly wait to get back to work on Monday. You see, the sandwich shop on the ground floor of the office building I worked in at the time prepared a most delicious turkey, bacon, cheese, and avocado croissant. I think I consumed one nearly every work day, even though lunching out didn’t exactly fit into our budget at the time!

Fiercer Cravings Than Your Cravings For Food!

Food cravings are quite powerful, but deep down you have cravings that are much fiercer than any food craving! Deep, deep desires that drive your way of thinking, choices, and actions!

Take a look at this graphic. Ponder it. Which of these do you crave? Narrow it down to three.

If you set out to satisfy your cravings – your desire for challenge, recognition, love, or any of the other desires, you are sure to run smack into your Fear Monster. In other words, pursuing your deepest desires directly only evokes your greatest fear. Even worse, the quest for what you crave is never satisfied.

Let me use myself as an example…

I crave significance, to be known, and recognition. When I seek to get those desires met, I’m disappointed! Inevitably my Fear Monster wakes up and arouses the very feeling I don’t want to feel! For me, my Fear Monster is “I don’t matter” and it’s not a happy feeling!

To flesh it out a bit more for you, here are a couple of examples of what that looks like for me:

Example #1

Professionally, I spent many years hustling harder and striving to be significant in my work, in my relationships, and probably a dozen other ways I’m forgetting about. I had multiple businesses, was on staff at a church, and homeschooled my children. So much striving and it was draining! Even worse, it never led to feeling significant, but it did have me spending a whole lot of time feeling like I didn’t matter!

Example #2

Personally, I want to be known, significant, and cherished by my husband. When I focused on that desire, our interactions inevitably left me feeling unimportant, unvalued, like I don’t matter, and it would really sting! As a result, I’d typically say something unproductive or shut down.

Here’s the real kicker: when I operate out of fear, it triggers the fears in those around me, including my dear husband! If you’ve been having different versions of the same fight over and over again, that’s a pretty good indicator that your Fear Monster’s is at work!

Your Fear Monster may be different than mine! Your Fear Monster is the story you told yourself growing up as a result of the way you interpreted the events in your young life. However, now grown, you continue to view life through that lens, and it’s not helpful!

Take a look and see if you spot your Fear Monster:

Not only does your Fear Monster keep you focused on yourself in unhealthy ways, but it also prevents you from experiencing what you crave most!

Is your Fear Monster “I am rejected?” If so, it will compel you to shy away from connecting with others or people pleasing. Sadly, it also causes you to interpret people’s comments and behaviors in ways that validate your fear.

If your Fear Monster is “I am invisible,” you repeatedly come to the conclusion that you are unseen or being overlooked and do life in ways that make that a self-fulfilling prophecy!

Remember those desires? Now think back, how have you made your desires the goal, only to experience that good old Fear Monster?

A Better Way!

Your desires are actually the fruit of fully embracing God’s love for you, letting His love soak in and living loved! And walking in who God created you to be. Whoever God created you to be is your unique way of reflecting God to the world – the way He shines through you.

When I know deep down that I am treasured and deeply loved by God, that He is for me, and that He knows me better than anyone including my husband, then I naturally do life in a more loving and fearless way! I’m more willing to be vulnerable and take risks. What’s most surprising is that when that’s my perspective, then I experience feelings of significance, being known, and the recognition I desire.

God created me to be loving which is pretty ironic. While relationships are one of my Top 5 Values, I’m a very task-oriented gal! I’m only able to be loving when I’m saturated in God’s love and fully dependent on Him!

Who Did God Create YOU To Be?

Who God created you to be might be something different, but you’ll still need to receive God’s love and rely on Him to truly reflect Him in the way He created you to. For some, He’s created you to be authentic, courageous, or trusting, but not matter who God created you to be, you must give that to yourself first. Then you will be able to offer it to others.

The more you lean into who God created you to be. the less pull your Fear Monster has on you. When I respond to my husband in a loving way, even if he’s reacting, the likelihood that I’ll feel significant soars!

Have you been allowing your Fear Monster to run the show? Or have you been boldly walking in who God created you to be? One leads to stress, striving, and sadness ensuring that my cravings will continue to be unmet. The other leads to peace, joy, freedom, and fulfillment.

While your cravings, Fear Monster, and who God created you to be may be very different from mine, you get to decide whether you will experience the “Fear Loop” or the “Freedom Loop”.

Which loop are you experiencing right now?

When your Fear Monster is alive and well it doesn’t just show up at home, it follows you to work and everywhere else you go! Left untended, it complicates your relationships and hinders your ability to show up and excel at work.

Consider these examples:

• You crave peace – conflict is NOT your thing! Your fear of appearing weak (or stupid, or selfish, or_________ ) causes you to avoid resolving issues. You hope that the issues go away, but it blows up into an even bigger conflict instead.
• You crave approval – you want everyone to like you so you let your team get away with being late to meetings and missing deadlines. When your boss lets you know that your team is failing to meet their goals, your Fear Monster (I am incompetent) is triggered.
• You crave security causing you to play it safe with your business. Without taking necessary risks, your business struggles confirming that you aren’t enough (or you are a loser, or incompetent, etc.) Ugh!

Ending the fear loop has profound benefits for you personally and professionally.

How are your cravings feeding your Fear Monster? What might be possible if you began operating in the Freedom Loop?

Tired of fear having the upper hand in your life? Let’s unravel it together! Schedule a Coffee Chat with me!

Originally posted on 8/21/18, It has been updated and revised just for you!