If You Want More Joy, Stop Comparing

It’s natural for humans to engage in comparing themselves with those around us. It’s something you and I are guilty of from time to time because we like to know where we stand. That’s why we use scales to let us know how we are doing when it comes to our weight. Achievements, wealth, looks, intelligence, success, possessions – they are are all ways we attempt to evaluate how well we are measuring up.

What about social media? It offers you a handy way to take stock, although it’s not nearly as accurate as your bathroom scale!

Social media makes comparing yourself to others ridiculously easy, but the blame doesn’t fall 100% social media. You know that everyone shows their best side on social media. You don’t know what’s actually happening behind the scenes, so it’s nearly impossible to come away with a fair comparison.

Think about where you tend to compare yourself to others, because it’s a great indicator of what’s truly important to you. That’s big!

It isn’t actually the comparing that does you in, it’s the meaning you take away based on how you are interpreting the information. What really messes with your emotions are the conclusions you come to. If comparison is discouraging you, it might be time to dig a little deeper to see what’s going on.

Ingesting Poison

Perhaps you’ve been comparing yourself under the false pretense that it will enable you to see how you stack up in the world or highlight your progress. Maybe comparing yourself will inspire or motivate you to improve. Let’s be honest, it feels pretty good when you happen to come out on top.

But what about those time you end up on the bottom?

Each time you compare yourself it’s like ingesting a wee bit of poison. Beware! If you have a pattern of comparing. It’s sure to have a detrimental effect on your well-being!

Comparison Is Deceptive

You rarely set out with the intent to compare. In a split second you take in information and rapidly arrive at a conclusion. You could say that comparison is opportunistic! It reminds me of an interesting incident that occurred growing up. One of my four brothers happened upon what he assumed was chocolate. Like any kid would, he gobbled down that chocolate bar like nobody’s business. The opportunity presented itself and he took full advantage of it. Turns out that chocolate bar was actually Ex-Lax® and the entire incident had a very messy ending!

Comparison Is Detrimental

That’s how comparing works. More often than not what starts out as an innocent passing thought quickly leads to a rather messy and detrimental ending with some pretty undesirable side effects like…

• Low self-esteem
• Envy
• Competing (Typically the other person doesn’t even know they’re going head-to-head with you!)
• Discontent
• Discouragement
• Stress
• Distrust
• Anxiety
• Jealousy
• Feelings of failure
• Negative thoughts about ourselves or others
• Doubts about yourself
• Frustration
• Triggering your Fear Monster

Comparing yourself to others points you in one of two directions: pain or pride. Pain because you minimize your worth in ways that make you miserable. Pride because you elevate yourself above others.

Whether you tend to go the pain or the pride route, fear is at work. They both keep you from walking boldly in who God create you to be. They trivialize your unique and wonderful personality, gifts, strengths, experiences, and more that all add up to what makes you valuable.

If you want to waste time, kill your passion, and spin, comparing is the perfect activity for you!

What’s The Real Issue?

It might surprise you to know that the act of comparing is not the real issue, but rather a flimsy sense of self that actually gets you in trouble! Instead of getting caught up in comparing, it’s time to…

1. Accept Where YOU Are

We are all at different places in our journey. There’s really no way to know for sure whether the people around you are at the beginning, middle, or end of their journey! If you are at the beginning and they are at the end, that’s hardly a fair comparison! Even if you are both in the middle of your journey, the middle often covers a significant span!

Rather than comparing, accept where you are. Notice how far you’ve come. Recognize there’s more to go, and that’s OK. Continue to delight in the process and savor your journey because It your unique adventure. No two people experience the same journey.

God knows just what’s needed along the way! Trust Him to guide you through the twists, turns, and bumps along the way.

2. Appreciate YOUR Past

You have a past just like everyone else does. It’s a mix of good and bad.

Your past has shaped you into the person you are today and it’s pointing you in a direction that connects to your purpose because God doesn’t waste anything! He uses the good, bad and ugly ALL for good.

Appreciate your past while taking steps to actively move forward. Look for the ways God is redeeming your experiences.

3. Embrace Who God Created YOU to BE

Your Fear Monster masterfully uses comparison to keep you stuck! As long as you are preoccupied with what you fear most, it’s doubtful that you will step into being the wonderfully unique person that God created YOU to BE, someone who reflects an aspect of God to others like being loving, compassionate, courageous, authentic, dependable, focused, etc.

To fully walk in who God created you to be, you need to rely on Him. When you are confident in His unconditional love for you, there’s absolutely no reason to try to be like anyone but the lavishly loved YOU!

4. Value YOURSELF & Others

When you come to value yourself as God’s masterpiece – His one-of-a-kind work of art – then you are also able to appreciate the way He’s crafted others too. Rather than envying their talents, you are able to admire them and celebrate their successes without it diminishing your own.

Understanding that God has an unlimited supply of love, grace, and good to go around enables you to value what you bring to the table as much as what others do, and when others succeed, it doesn’t mean that there’s less for you.

5. Dwell on the Truth

Lies have a way of getting our attention. They seem to light up like neon and color everything you see, experience, think, etc.

The truth is subtle, less noticeable. It takes conscious effort to keep truth top of mind. That’s just one of the many reasons why it’s crucial to spend time with God daily; to reconnect with truth every day.

How God sees you – that’s what really matters.

6. Be Inspired

Let the successes, accomplishments, talents, etc. of others inspire you. Let them remind you that the possibilities are endless. There’s something meaningful for you out there, but it won’t look like what so-and-so has done or look like what that Facebook friend has.

There’s no need to copy, strive, or rush to be like someone else. You have freedom to be yourself and do something new and different. Your small steps of obediently following God’s lead will ultimately lead to something that makes more of a difference than you ever thought possible.

On the flip side, what seems like it will be enormously amazing might only yield a wee bit of fruit. You just don’t know!

Bravely move forward in what God’s called you to. When you are focused on what you’ve got going on, you’ll have less time to observe what everyone else is doing!

7. Invest in YOUR Journey

Successfully accomplishing what God has for YOU, means growing, stretching, and growing some more!

Invest your time, energy, and money in progressing on your journey, instead of watching someone else’s.

Do you need to take classes to learn specific skills? Is it time to slow down or eliminate something in order to invest in what truly matters? One of the best investments I know of to speed up the process and zero in on the barriers keeping you from stepping into all that God has for you is to invest in coaching.

Unsure of exactly what needs attention – consider joining The LAB and exploring the assortment of QUESTS available to bring new insights and perspectives to light.

Don’t let the time, energy, or money hold you back – God’s big enough to handle those details!

8. Focus on YOU!

If you are diligently working on you and pursuing your purpose, you don’t have to worry about comparing yourself!

Don’t waste another minute by comparing yourself and gobbling up another teaspoon of poison. My brother’s episode involved taking ipecac and robbed him of a good 24 hours! Don’t let the poison of comparison take you out!

Where in your life, personally or professionally, are you comparing yourself to others?

Let that impetus work in your favor – it’s revealing something important to you. How will you take that insight and use it to inspire your one-of-a-kind journey? You’ll be surprised at how that increases your joy!