Turn Your Great Expectations into Great Joy

Expectations are what you believe will happen – a certain outcome. It’s the story you’ve conjured up in your mind. That story may be fleshed out in vivid color and detail or it may be unconscious and unexpressed even to yourself, and then later sneak up and really do a number on you!

When your expectations are met or exceeded, you experience satisfaction, confidence, and delight.

Great Expectations

In contrast, when your “great expectations” aren’t realized, you are flooded with disappointment, hurt, and sadness. Maybe you’ve experienced one of these disheartening situations where your great expectations made it impossible for you to measure up in your own eyes, causing you to be critical, down on yourself, discouraged, and insecure.

When your great expectations are for someone else in your life and they fall short, you end up disappointed, angry, or taking it personally.

While you may not even be aware of them, you have expectations for God – ways you want Him to show up in your life like preventing hardship or aiding in your success. When circumstances don’t pan out the way you expected them to you feel unloved, forgotten, or even angry.

On the flip side, your expectations for God might be too low, and you downplay His power, love, provision or something else. Because you don’t completely trust Him, you jump in and work extra hard, strive, and wear yourself out doing His job.

Another joy stealer and set up for disappointment takes place when you don’t actually communicate what you want or need, making it tough for the treasured people in your life to meet your expectations.

Are you in the habit of expecting others to provide what you aren’t giving yourself, like respect, affirmation, or approval? Or perhaps you are expecting others to intuitively know what you want, what you need, or what you are thinking?

And while you probably don’t want to admit it, sometimes you even keep yourself in the dark when it comes to what you expect!

Expectations come in a wide variety of shapes and colors, but when they fail to become a reality, they sting!

What My Grands Have Taught Me

Fun Day is a big deal at our house. We celebrate it the day after Thanksgiving and for my grands Fun Day far outshines our Thanksgiving festivities. It’s a day filled with fun, of course, and making gingerbread houses is among one of the most favorite activities included in that day. I am in awe of how much time and care they each put into their gingerbread creations. Currently, my grands range from ages two to nine, and when their gingerbread houses are complete, they are beyond delighted with their efforts! Bonus, Grammy displays their masterpieces throughout the holidays.

Here’s the interesting part: the gingerbread house kits come with a perfectly crafted house pictured on the box – an exceedingly high expectation for what the gingerbread dwellings should look like when completed.  As an adult, the perfectly crafted gingerbread houses intimidate me, so you would think that having such a lofty example would suck all the fun out of the process for the kiddos too. It doesn’t!

The kids happily get lost in the process of decorating without any regard to the photo on the box. And whatever result their imagination produced; they are beyond satisfied!

My grands are proof that the end result doesn’t have to be perfect to be a triumph. The process of playing is a real joy bringer. And accepting what is, is far better than yearning for what’s not.

Your Expectations

Let’s be real, I know you aren’t building gingerbread houses! However, life and work are brimming with scenarios that aren’t panning out like the picture on the box! Maybe it’s your job, team, marriage, kids, or any number of other scenarios that are very far from what you anticipated them being. As a result of your great expectations, you are left feeling sad, discouraged, disappointed, or a host of negative emotions which makes sense because having great expectations definitely drags you down.

It’s not hopeless! By approaching life in a new way, it’s possible to adjust your expectations and experience less disappointment and greater joy!

To help you make that shift, here are five areas to focus on:

1. Lean Into Who God Created You to Be

With your Fear Monster in the mix your expectations are naturally unrealistic and high. An unattainable desire that leaves you feeling like you come up short and that’s the hidden agenda!

Rather than falling for your Fear Monster’s tactics, you are much better off leaning into who God created you to be and the way He designed you to reflect Him. For you it might be by being loving, authentic, courageous, compassionate, unshakeable, beautiful, creative, focused, generous, trusting, or ______________. By focusing on who you were meant to be and relying on God to help you walk in that, your expectations fade.

2. Be Present

Being present is not passive, but rather actively participating in what’s taking place in your life in the moment.

When you are fully locked into the now, your expectations that reside in the future aren’t your focus.

There are other advantages to being more present including…

• • • Noticing opportunities that previously weren’t even on your radar.
    • Enjoying and appreciating the little moments.
    • Increased focus and creativity.
    • Better relationships.

3. Be More Mindful

It’s possible to be present without being mindful, although it’s not possible to be mindful without being present.

Being mindful in the moment adds an additional layer of awareness where you are tuned into your thoughts, feelings, and expectations.

Beware, it’s the unexposed expectations that have the potential to do the most damage, which is motivation be more mindful! When expectations take you by surprise, you are unlikely to respond well.

Mindfulness has an element of being intentional to it. By slowing down, operating with margin, and carving out space to process and reflect, mindfulness is more possible. I also find it’s helpful to journal or process out loud with someone I trust like a friend or a coach. It’s beneficial to think through your experiences as well as your expectations for yourself, others, and God.

4. Accept What Is

I’ve lived long enough to realize that you just never know what’s going to happen no matter what your expectations are! Some of the best gifts in life are unexpected! If you hold tight to how you think things should be (your expectations) you’ll miss out on some pretty exceptional experiences!

Rigidly pursuing what you think should be tends to create stress, anxiety, and frustration!

Instead of fighting what is, accept it. Trust God and make the most of it. Given your current circumstances, what is possible? What’s the good in the unexpected? Each time you flex and adjust you become a little more resilient!

Practicing gratitude every day is an amazing way to delight in what is! And so is acknowledging progress and small wins! It also helps to focus on the process over the outcome and enjoy the journey.

5. Be Realistic

If you are unrealistic, you are setting yourself up for disappointment!  Ditch trying to be perfect. Let the little stuff count. Be kind to yourself and others!

As you set goals, do your best to make them a stretch and within reach given your current abilities, time, and resources

In your interactions with others, make an effort to communicate upfront and listen attentively.

6. Focus on the Process

Back to building gingerbread houses! If I’d urged my grands to try and recreate the professional example of a gingerbread house on the box, Fun Day would be anything but fun!!! Not only would it be unrealistic but it would have severely stifled their creativity.

Instead, Fun Day is all about spending quality time together and making sweet memories. It’s about the process and being present, open, flexible, and letting go of the picture-perfect expectations.

If you have issues with overly high expectations, I dare you to spend time with kids! Not only is good medicine for your soul, you are sure to get many chuckles along the way! They are full of the unexpected including decorating the back of a gingerbread man rather than the front! Now that’s pure joy!

While not touched on directly here, it’s also critical that you not set your expectations too low either. It’s simply not motivating and hinders you realizing your full potential. Be sure you are regularly adjusting your expectations so that you remain in the “happy middle” rather than drifting into all-or-nothing thinking.

It’s worth noting that your expectations are not static. What you expect today may be different from what’s realistic and healthy to expect tomorrow.

How have your expectations been impacting you?

© Unsplash/Kronemberger

This post was originally posted on 11/28/17. It’s been updated and revised just for you!