Really Great Reasons to End Your Complaining

Complaining is nothing new, and if you’ve been around a complainer for any length of time, you know how quickly complaining gets old!

Maybe you don’t describe yourself as a “complainer” per say, but instead engage in close cousins to complaining like fault-finding, nitpicking, expressing dissatisfaction, eye rolling, or being critical.

Oh, how we complain!

“Cryning”

When my oldest son was young, he had his own way of complaining. It was a combination of whining and crying to express his dissatisfaction with whatever was going on. It was such a common occurrence that he frequently heard the phrases “stop whining” or “stop crying” more often than I’d like to admit!

His response: “I am not cryning!”

That son is now the proud father of five and I just smile when his kids are “cryning.”

Common Complaints

As much as I hate to admit it, there are times when I do my own “cryning.” Of course, it involves less falling on the floor and far fewer tears than those my son shed, but when life doesn’t go my way, I’m prone to complaining.

This week has been a “cryning” kind of week!

It’s no surprise that if you are going to update a post on complaining that you would be put to the test, right? The old me would have mumbled and grumbled, but in spite of the surprises that have popped up this week I’m happy to say that I’ve mostly managed to refrain from complaining. Mostly. And prayed a lot!

Remember all the grumbling and complaining the Israelites did? Despite all the food they needed every day and shoes that didn’t wear out, they lacked appreciation for God’s incredible provision for those forty years in the wilderness. From our vantage point it seems so obvious that God was caring for them with great care, yet the Israelites did a whole lot of complaining.

When you are in the middle of it, somehow it feels different, right? We have a knack for downplaying our own grumbling when life’s not going our way or we are dwelling on what we perceive as our lack. In the process we overlook all of our many blessings!

The Israelites took their complaining to a whole new level by painting the past much, much better than it actually was! After all, now they were free when before they were literally slaves! (Numbers 11-14)

While you and I chuckle at those silly Israelites, we too are prone to remembering what was more fondly than is accurate.

The Surprising Thing About Complaining

We casually complain, never giving a second thought to what we are actually revealing in the process! Did you know that complaining is actually advertising your fears? It’s true!

Complaining actually draws attention to your fears. Are you even aware of the fear that’s lurking underneath your complaints? It might be doubting that God is able to work out the details, that He loves you, or that your situation is hopeless. Perhaps your Fear Monster is driving your complaint because you are feeling like you don’t matter, or that you are incompetent, or that you are not enough. It is a feeling that your Fear Monster loves to awaken in you!

If we thought about complaining as highlighting our fears, I know I’d make a greater effort to keep my complaints to myself. Why in the world would I want to publicize my fears? And it’s something to pay attention to the next time someone voices complaints in your presence.

I know fear makes you feel vulnerable, but it’s worth exploring the fear behind your complaints.

What’s the Big Deal About Complaining?

The reality is that complaining hinders you personally and professionally because complaining…

1. Fouls Up Your Focus!

Yep! Complaining keeps you focused on the wrong stuff; on the problems rather than the solutions. It blinds you to the possibilities. Rather than being proactive, you become a victim and stuck. And as I’ve previously mentioned, complaining prevents you from noticing all the good stuff in your life, and there’s always good stuff!

2. Becomes A Habit

Whatever you do repeatedly becomes a habit! It’s easy to slip into the complaining habit and much more difficult to stop. You may not even be aware of how frequently you are complaining!

If you have a pattern of complaining it’s time to disrupt that pattern. A few practical ways to replace the habit of complaining and take action are…

• • • Asking for what you want/need.
    • Addressing the underlying fears.
    • Getting creative and exploring the solutions, possibilities, and what’s going well.
    • Be mindful of the words you use.

If you continue complaining, you are actually reinforcing that habit. It’s time to stretch yourself and do something new.

3. Doesn’t Make Anything Better!

Complaining makes for a pretty stinky attitude! It doesn’t solve problems or make anything better. Complaining not only kills your mood, but it brings down the mood of everyone around you while draining your energy in the process! Even worse, it’s not good for your brain!

4. Makes You THAT Person

You probably cringe and avoid those who perpetually complain. Not only is it unpleasant to be around, that kind of negativity is wildly contagious. Nobody wants to catch that bug! Not only does it drag you down, it drags everyone around you down.

I trust I’ve motivated you to curb your complaining! Are you wondering, “How do I fight the temptation to complain?” Here are some tips that I would encourage you to try:

1. Pay Attention

Tune in. Notice what you are saying when you’re complaining and what you’re complaining about. Even if you successfully keep your complaints to yourself and don’t verbalize them, notice.

What fears are you observing? How is your Fear Monster driving your complaints? What needs are wants are coming to light for you?

Perhaps you are wrestling with the same fear the Israelites wrestled with: that God did not love them and would not meet their needs. That He’d forgotten what He had promised them.

2. Vent Constructively

Who are the trusted people in your life – those who allow you to freely share your feelings and aren’t afraid to tell you the truth? People who will challenge you, ask insightful questions, and invite you to see other perspectives? Those who will urge you to pursue solutions rather than remain trapped in complaining mode?

Even more importantly, are you taking your concerns to God? He’s already aware of your personal struggles and He longs for you to share them with Him.

I Peter 5: 6-7 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”  (Added emphasis mine.)

Yes, He wants you to admit you need His help. He knows that the burdens of life are too big for you. He wants you to be reminded of the extravagance of His love and the immensity of His power. And that He’s working on your behalf for your good despite how your circumstances might feel.

That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Romans 8:28 (MSG)

Journaling is an excellent way to vent and process what’s taking place in your life. Over time you will begin to see patterns and uncover more of those feelings and fears that are at the root of your complaining.

3. Practice Gratitude

Weave gratitude into your conversations by sharing with others what you are thankful for today.

The more you focus on what you are grateful for, the less compelled you will be to complain. I encourage you to write down at least five things you are grateful for each and every day! Dwell on them! Don’t miss all the many ways God is working in your life. As a bonus you will be able to look back and see all of your many blessings!

Gratitude changes the trajectory of your life. For more ways to practice gratitude more regularly, take the Gratitude Challenge!

4. Slow Down

Have you noticed how the more frantic people are, the more they tend to complain? It’s purely conjecture on my part, but could it be that complaining spills out because they have not taken the time to process their thoughts or considered ways to be proactive? Perhaps it’s a merely symptom of being overwhelmed. Either way, it’s hard to see the good stuff when you are speeding through life!

Slowing down is good! James 1:19 urges us to be “slow to speak.”

5. Reframe!

Challenge yourself to “frame” your complaints in a more positive way. The words you choose are powerful! Every situation has at least a shred of positivity in it. Consider what are you learning or discovering? Any good that’s there no matter how small. How might you circle back and practice gratitude?

What’s your complaining revealing?

This post that was originally posted on 2/18/2014. It’s been updated & revised! May it motivate you to minimize your complaining!

© Can Stock Photo Inc. / curvabezier